


The Hardest Part Is Letting Go

by hmarie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Angst, Casual Sex, Drug Use, Explicit Language, M/M, Oops, Pining, Riding, Rimming, Switching, by probably I mean I did, probably missed some tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-19 16:15:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2394794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hmarie/pseuds/hmarie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Zayn are paired up as roommates. They're loud and irritating. (The one where Zayn knows what he wants and the only thing Harry knows is what he doesn't want to want.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Marcellatjie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marcellatjie/gifts).



> I did my best to stick to the prompt... This one got away from me a little bit.  
> Hope you like :)
> 
>  
> 
> (Oh yeah, my beta kicked ass.)

Harry had just finished setting up his half of the room, the exact same way for the third year in a row, when he heard the familiar creak of the heavy oak door. With his back facing the door, he anxiously waited for his new roommate to introduce himself; he was a junior this year and _finally_ rid himself of Zayn Malik. The new boy had said nothing.

“Hi, I’m Harry.” He introduced himself while loading his flimsy messenger bag for his classes that would start next week.

“I know who you are, you miserable idiot.” A familiar voice chimed back. Harry’s head snapped over his shoulder.

“The fuck are you doing here, Malik? If you think you’re being funny, you’re not.” Harry’s upper lip curled.

“I’m not being funny. You turned down my father’s offer for free off-campus housing, remember? So, here we are again, Styles.” Zayn said with a giant, fake smile.

Harry was from a poor family. His father had died in a drunk driving accident when he was only three and his mother worked three jobs just to keep her son fed. He busted his ass to get the best grades throughout high school to earn his scholarship to Harvard’s pre-law program. He had to maintain a 3.5 GPA in order to stay enrolled in the program he spent his days and nights studying himself into misery.  
For whatever reason, Harvard punished him by pairing him up with the, in Harry’s opinion, spawn of Satan. Zayn Malik was from one of the richest, most well connected families. The men of the Malik family were grandfathered in to the prosecutor’s office. Zayn spent most of his time drinking, smoking and partying until he felt Harry was doing better than him, then he would focus for a week or so. Zayn was guaranteed a job when he graduated, regardless if he had good grades or bad, he would be working alongside his father. But that’s not the job he wanted. He and Harry both wanted to be the defense attorneys, the kind that rich men hired when they killed their wives. Harry wanted to make money, Zayn wanted to get away from the Malik name.

Zayn and Harry hadn’t gotten along from their first days as roommates. The two were always competing in classes. Harry forced Zayn to study, Zayn always wanting to be on par, if not better than him. Which made Zayn’s father love Harry, it being his insistence that the boys stayed paired as roommates until they were able to move off-campus. Harry had no intention of living off-campus with Zayn; no matter how many times Zayn or his father called and offered him a free place to stay. He was tired of being a charity case.

“So, get a different fucking room.” He grabbed the box Zayn had just sat down and placed it outside the door. “This was supposed to be my first year away from you.”

“It doesn’t work like that, my dear bucket of sunshine.” Zayn grabbed the box Harry had just moved back in the hall. “My father likes you and the ‘ _influence you have on my studying habits._ ’ Or some bullshit about how you’re a good match for me. I don’t really care.” He began unpacking his desk trinkets, and swiped a few of Harry’s highlighters. He’d buy him more throughout the year.

“Fucking tell him you want to live by yourself then, you’re not staying here. I want this room to be a drug and alcohol free zone this year. Junior year is serious business in this major.” He snatched his highlighters back.

“According to Harvard, I _am_ staying here this year. And two things: one, he thinks I’ll party every night if I live by myself. I tried that. Two, I’ll blow into the toilet paper tube with waded up dryer sheets in the end, just like you like.” Zayn held up the toilet paper tube in Harry’s face before setting it on his desk. “The desks look different, did you move mine?” Zayn mentioned as he began to make his bed.

“Well, yeah. I thought I was getting a new roommate.” He huffed, sliding Zayn’s desk back against the wall. “I thought maybe he’d like to study in front of the window instead of needing to blow smoke out of it all the time.” Harry ran a hand through his hair, pulling a little bit.

“Your hair’s longer.” Zayn reached out and bounced a curl.

“It’s in style.” Harry mumbled to the floor.

“Excuse me? No it’s not.” Zayn wrinkled his nose. It wasn’t, if there’s one thing Zayn knew, it was style. “You look a lot thinner this year too.” Zayn made a grab for Harry’s stomach, Harry instinctively flinched away.

“I grew a couple more inches this summer.” Both of Harry’s hands were now pulling through his hair and he stared at his holey boots.

“Looks like it.” Zayn swallowed. It didn’t.

Harry jammed his ear buds in and sat at his ancient, grey Dell laptop and effectively ended the conversation. Zayn unpacked and set up his half of the room the same way he had for three years now. He stocked the empty fridge with all his favorite foods, and some of Harry’s. He occasionally heard a growl from Harry’s stomach, which lead Zayn to try to get his attention to let him know he’d stocked the fridge, but Harry intentionally ignored him. Zayn sighed.

Eventually, he was pleased with their newish room set up and flopped himself into the gaming chair he brought in to read his latest challenge, _Don Quixote_ , and tuned out the world.

***

“The hell are you doing back here, Malik?” A friendly voice pulled him back to reality.

“Sup, Niall?” Zayn nodded his chin.

“Coming to get Harry for our annual first night dinner, you wanna come with since you’re still roommies?”

Harry and Niall had been friends since high school when Niall transferred into Harry’s lit class. Harry had been and still was shy. Niall forced Harry to leave his apartment and be social. Niall was the best thing to ever happen to Harry Styles.

“Yeah, sure.” Zayn threw a pillow at Harry. “Niall’s here. S’go eat.” Zayn slid across the tiled floor and shrugged on his leather jacket.

Harry pulled out an ear bud. “What?”

“Let’s go eat.” Niall mimed eating.

“Can’t, sorry.” Harry shrugged, and shoved his earbud back in.

Niall yanked both earbuds. “Harry, school hasn’t started, we don’t have any assignments yet. You can’t pass on tradition.” Niall patted his best friend’s cheek.

“’Sides, you’re starving, I could hear you stomach all the way at the door.”

“Niall, I really _can’t_ , sorry.” Zayn noticed the pleading look in Harry’s eyes.

“Harry. S’no big deal, I’ll pay for your dinner. In this economy, a lot of people got laid off, my brother did.” Niall kept digging himself a hole he couldn’t climb out of, even if he had a ladder.

“NIALL.” Harry’s eyes widened.

There were a few things Harry actually discussed with Zayn. His money situation was not one. All Zayn knew was that Harry’s scholarships only covered school expenses, which is why living off campus was not a possibility for him. So, Harry was a little taken aback when Zayn had called him up half-way through the summer saying his father agreed to rent he and Harry a place in the off-campus cottages and Harry wouldn’t have to pay for much of anything, just help Zayn out studying and maybe buy more groceries than he does in the dorm. Harry graciously turned him down, saying he liked living in the dorm and the proximity to the school’s library and other amenities.

Zayn stood awkwardly by the door, scratched the back of his neck, and pretended not to listen. He and Harry had been roommates for two years already and naturally, Zayn noticed he brought way more to the suite than Harry. He provided all of the extra furniture. It took two months for Zayn to convince Harry it was okay for him to use his things, it wasn’t like there was enough room for them to have both brought all their furniture.

Zayn had also noticed he usually contributed more to the room’s food and common supplies. Truly, Zayn didn’t mind. Any way to spend his father’s ridiculous amounts of money was fine with him. Zayn and Harry weren’t best friends by any means; neither of them even considered the other a friend, but they knew personal, private details about the other. Harry talked in his sleep when he was stressed--that also took Zayn two months to figure out Harry wasn’t actually talking to him at 3 o’clock in the morning, Zayn listened. And when Zayn got high enough, he’d tell anyone everything he shouldn’t. So, it was out of common courtesy, that Zayn didn’t dare glance in Harry’s general direction. They never discussed Harry’s money situation, but Zayn knew.

“Hey, Niall.” Zayn clapped his friend’s shoulder. “Liam’s RA of the dorms this year, isn’t he? Go run down there and invite him and I’ll get Harry up and ready for dinner, alright?” He nodded in Harry’s direction.

“Yeah, ol’ Payno’ll join.” Niall bounded down the hallway. He could be heard shouting “Payno” for several minutes. Zayn gently closed the door.

“Zayn, don’t.” Harry stood up.

“Harry…” He walked closer to his roommate.

“I said don’t!” Harry whispered, turning away.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Zayn tried his best not to come across as patronizing. 

“We’re not even friends, Zayn. Why in the hell would I tell you that I got laid off from being a cashier at a fucking grocery store? Oh wait, that’s right, it’s fucking embarrassing.” Harry attempted to keep himself calm.

“I think we’re a little bit friends.” He sat down on Harry’s bed.

“No. We’re not.” Harry began taking deep breaths.

Harry had told Zayn they weren’t friends before, but this time hurt a little bit. Zayn didn’t know why, but hearing Harry say they weren’t friends when Zayn was blatantly making an effort to take care of him, had Zayn a little offended.

“If we’re not friends, then what are we, Harry? Because you know more about me than Louis, Danny, and Ant all combined. Let me help you!” Zayn matched Harry’s hushed whispers; his fingertips shook at the idea of not being friends with Harry.

“All I am to you is a fucking charity case and it makes me feel like shit. Why can’t you see that!?!” Harry huffed out.

“What I can see,” Zayn said, his heart tight. “Is that you’re starving and lying about it. And, for the record, you aren’t my personal charity case. You’re my roommate who only seems to get along with me on every second Tuesday of the month.” Zayn attempted to lighten the mood. “If you turn up dead, guess who’s going to be the prime suspect.” Zayn gave him a weak smile.

“It feels an awful lot like charity to me.” Harry stated, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Believe me. This,” he pointed between himself and Harry as he pulled his wallet from his back. “is purely selfish.” Fishing out two twenties, he shoved them towards his reluctant roommate. Harry looked at the money quizzically. “I’m not going to pay for you in front of our friends.” Zayn shook the money at Harry. “ _That_ would be charity.”

Harry finally took the money; his fingers sent a shockwave through Zayn’s hand. Or so Zayn thought, Harry seemed to be unaffected.

“Thanks.” Harry mumbled, pulling his worn, faded leather wallet from his holey back pocket.

“Just eat, okay?”

“Can you, like, not come?” Harry looked from Zayn to the floor. “I don’t want you to watch me to use your money…” Harry couldn’t look Zayn in the eye, probably couldn’t if his life depended on it.

“Oh yeah, ‘course.” Zayn shook his head furiously and slipped his leather jacket from his shoulders. “I’ll see if Louis wants to order take out or something, haven’t seen him all summer.” Zayn shoved he jacket towards Harry. “It’ll look better than that hoodie.”

“Thanks.” Harry grabbed the jacket and smiled, just not a real one, “Hey Zayn, the tube.” Harry mentioned as he walked out of the room.

“Of course.” Zayn said to no one.

 

**Louis**

From Z: “You up for some Chinese and some of the finest?”

To Z: “always, be there in 10”

 

***

 

“He’s just so hollow, man.” Zayn coughed as he passed a blunt to Louis.

“Harry is one of the smartest people I know, man. He’s far from hollow.” Louis said as he inhaled.

“No, I mean, like, _hollow_. You should have seen him today. I don’t think he’s had a proper meal since May.” Zayn threw himself on Harry’s bed since Louis had taken his.

“He’d be dead if that were the case.” Louis said, breaking out into a hysterical laugh.

“It’s not funny!” Zayn demanded as he tried to kick his best friend. At least he thought he was trying to kick Louis, but he couldn’t really feel his legs. “I’m concerned about him, what if he, like, dies or something?”

“Oh, Zaynie. He’s not going to die. You’d never let him. You love him too much.” Louis said it as if he’d just told Zayn the sky was blue.

Zayn thought about what Louis had said for what felt like a long time, but in reality it could have only been ten seconds. And he couldn’t really deny it. Zayn had been taking care of Harry for two years now, going on a third. He’d always assumed it was out of complete disinterest in learning to live with another person. Harry already knew how live and interact with him on a daily basis. So, why would Zayn rock the boat?

But Louis’ revelation had him rethinking everything he’s done for Harry. He didn’t have to give him money tonight. He could have just let Niall pay for Harry’s dinner. Zayn didn’t have to buy the snacks Harry liked on top of his own. He thought he always bought the toilet paper and cleaning supplies because Harry bought the cheap kind that he hated. But Zayn didn’t even use the supplies, Harry always cleaned. And toilet paper is toilet paper. Zayn bought Harry the things he needed or so he thought, like last semester when he’d dropped a pipe on Harry’s bed and ruined the duvet. It was only a small burn and Zayn had bought him a whole new set. And Zayn always stocked the fridge because Harry bought off-brand food that didn’t taste the same.

As Zayn was there, lying in Harry’s bed, in a shitty dorm room, blowing smoke in a toilet paper tube with dryer sheets shoved in the end he realized, he was in love with Harry Styles.

“Fuuuuck.” Zayn whispered and dragged his hand over his stubble.

“You didn’t know?” Louis sat up and crossed his legs. “Dude, you’re fucked.”

“Jesus fucking Christ. I’m in love with Harry Styles.” The toilet paper tube slipped from his hand. “How long have you known and kept it from me, Lou?”

“About five minutes. Holy shit, Zayn! I thought we were just high, but you fucking love him, like more than a roommate.” Louis blew out some smoke rings while Zayn processed.

“Yeah man, we’re just high. I’m not in love with him. We’re just high.” Zayn began to reason.

“Alright then, kiss him. Then you’ll know.” Louis passed the blunt back.

“Louis,” Zayn took a hit. “I can’t just kiss him. He doesn’t even want to be friends. We literally just had this discussion.”

“Oh my god, you _want_ to kiss him.” Louis bounced on the bed.

“You’ve seen his mouth, who wouldn’t want to kiss him?”

“And you’re Zayn Fucking Malik. You could kiss Mother Theresa and she’d be into it.”

“You think?” Zayn cocked his head to the side, questioning.

“You fucking love him. You’ll never know unless you try, Zaynie Boy.”

Zayn rolled up a fresh blunt and intentionally didn’t blow into the tube. The two continued smoking until the weed and Chinese were both gone, Harry’s tube long since forgotten, the window not even cracked and no wet towel under the door. The room was filled with smoke and it was already too late when Zayn heard Harry’s key in the lock.

“What the hell, Zayn!?! You said this wouldn’t happen _literally_ three hours ago!” Harry shouted. “Remember?” Harry grabbed the tube and threw it in Zayn’s face. “And of course you smoked on my bed.” Harry pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Oh shit. Sorry, Harry.” Zayn stood up so fast he stumbled forward.

“Are you even on this planet right now?” Harry snapped his fingers in front of Zayn’s face.

“And on that note boys, I’m gonna head out.” Louis snuck towards the door. “Thanks for the, you know…”

“No problem, Lou.” Zayn nods his head towards the door as Louis walks out. “Thanks for the Chinese.” He grabbed Harry’s hand, “and yes, I am on this fucking planet. I’m right here with you.” He poked Harry’s chest with his free hand.

“You know that’s not what I meant.” He yanked his hand from Zayn’s grasp. “How much did you smoke?”

“Louis smoked most of it.” Zayn coughed.

“That’s not what I asked you.” Harry stormed over to the window and threw it open.

“I don’t know, maybe one blunt.” Zayn shrugged.

“One blunt created all this smoke? I’ve been your roommate long enough to know that’s bullshit.” He fanned smoke out of the window.

“I meant, _I_ smoked one blunt, Louis smoked like three, I think. Proper stoner, that one.” Zayn chuckled.

“I don’t think this is funny. My bed’s going to reek like weed and _you_ for weeks.” Harry slumped down on the windowsill. “You promised you’d use the tube.” He pouted.

“I tell you what, Styles. You take one hit from this blunt, right here,” Zayn held up the last of the final blunt. “And I’ll only ever blow into the tube.” He inched the blunt closer towards Harry’s face.

“No!” Harry pushed Zayn’s hand away.

“Then you better get used to coming home to weed clouds every now and then.” Zayn took a small hit.

“This is my room too, you know, I could turn you in for this.” Zayn held the blunt back in front of Harry’s face.

“But you won’t.” Zayn purred as he stepped into Harry’s personal space.  “I take too good care of you.” He wasn’t even sure that made sense.

“Even if I wanted too, I can’t.” Harry pushed the blunt away again.

“You can’t, huh? Afraid you’ll get addicted from one hit?”

“No, my asthma, remember? That’s why we have the tube rule.” Zayn stepped in between Harry’s thighs and inhaled.

“Vaguely.” He lets the smoke flow from his lips.

“The tube!” Harry points to the thing; it’s quickly becoming the bane of Zayn’s existence.

“I’ll do it for you.” Bad idea

“You just did, thanks.” Harry looked confused.

“No, I’ll inhale it, and just, pass the smoke to you. Zayn sat his free hand on Harry’s thigh.

“That’s ridiculous.” Harry hadn’t moved Zayn’s hand; he also hadn’t looked up from Zayn’s lips since he moved between his legs.

“No, that’s shotgunning. And I’m happy to be your first.” Zayn smiled. “You open your mouth when I move towards you. I’ll blow the smoke in your mouth, you inhale and hold it until I tell you. Got it?”

Harry blinked. “Zayn…”

“Harry, just this once and never again, unless of course, you want it again.” Zayn raised his palms in promise.

Harry licked his lips. “Fine. Just this once, and you have to use the tube from now on.”

Zayn grinned. “Open up, pretty boy.” Zayn took a deep breath and pulled a large amount of smoke into his mouth.

Harry’s eyes closed as his mouth fell open. Zayn tilted his head back, reaching up to hold Harry’s jaw at a slight angle and slowly filled his roommate’s mouth with the pungent smoke. Once he’d exhaled all the smoke into Harry’s mouth, Zayn pushed Harry’s bottom lip to his top and whispered, “Now hold it.” As he pulled back, Zayn had never once imagined he’d ever be in this position and now he never wanted to leave. Harry, with his head tilted back, eyes closed, Zayn standing in between his thighs, was absolutely obscene.

Before he could even think them to stop, his hands were sliding up Harry’s neck to cradle his jaw, his thumb sliding over Harry’s cherry red bottom lip. Zayn leaned in close, whispering, “let it out, Styles.”

Harry opened his eyes as the smoke curled out of his mouth. Zayn never wanted to forget this moment. He couldn’t have made this up in his wildest dreams; he felt his stomach flip and then completely drop. Harry had never looked more attractive to Zayn than he did in this moment. He completely trusted him. Zayn wanted this image burned on the backs of his eyelids. He couldn’t help himself; he leaned in, slid his lips over Harry’s and crawled into his lap. He let his hands slide into Harry’s new “stylishly” long hair. Zayn moaned almost instantaneously. His lips felt like they were on fire. Yep, he was in love with Harry Styles.

Harry pulled back. “Zayn?”

Zayn was gone. He kissed down Harry’s jaw to look for the sweet spot on his neck he knew Harry had to have, Zayn knew when he found it. Harry let out something between a groan, a moan, and a “ _Zayn”_ as he grabbed onto Zayn’s hips.

“Do it again.” Zayn demanded as he sucked harder at the spot. And Harry made the sound again. Zayn circled his hips against Harry to force that sound from him, finding he’d like to hear that sound as often as possible. Harry’s head fell back against the window, as Zayn stretched the collar of Harry’s white t-shirt and left more marks on his collarbones.

Zayn pulled back to look at Harry. His pupils were blown wide; Zayn couldn’t tell if it was from him or from how long Harry had held the smoke. He didn’t care anymore. He covered Harry’s mouth with his own again. Harry still wasn’t giving in, so, Zayn licked along Harry’s bottom lip.

“C’mon, Harry. You’re supposed to participate.” Zayn circled his hips down again, earning himself an actual moan from Harry.

Harry clenched his teeth. “We’re in the window.” He firmly grasped Zayn’s hips to make him stop moving.

“So…let’s move.” Zayn grabbed Harry’s hands and backed away towards Harry’s bed. He pulled his shirt over his head as he led Harry back to the bed. Zayn’s toned torso and latest tattoos were on display and Zayn noticed a quick flick of hesitance in Harry’s eyes as he took it all in.

Harry took a deep breath before he licked his lips. “How am I supposed to say no to that?” He ran a hand through his hair with a small smile.

“You’re not.” Zayn said as he pulled Harry closer by his belt, drawing Harry on top of him and unhooking his belt buckle. Zayn distractedly reconnected their lips, mumping against his mouth. “Your button’s stuck.” He decided to forgo undoing the damned button and just shoved his hand down the front of Harry’s pants.

Zayn’s warm grasp sent tremors through Harry’s body.

“Wait, stop.” Harry grabbed Zayn’s wrist. “We can’t do this.” Harry said through heavy breaths.

“What do you mean we can’t?” Zayn chased after Harry’s mouth. “We already are.” Zayn stroked while Harry still held onto his wrist.

“You’re high.” Harry moaned.

“And you’re gorgeous, let’s get on with it.” Zayn said matter-of-factly, yanking Harry’s hand from his wrist to allow himself more stroking room. He watched as Harry’s eyes rolled back into his head.

“Zayn, please. Stop.”  He panted.

Zayn pulled his hand from Harry’s pants.

“I’m gonna take care of you, Harry.” He slid his hands to Harry’s jaw, and kissed him gently. “Let me do this for you.” Zayn slowly pushed Harry onto his back.

Harry turned his head. “I’m not… I’ve never.” Zayn caught the fear in Harry’s oddly captivating green eyes as he placed kisses down his torso

“I get it, you’ve never had a guy get you off before. It’ll be good, Harry. You won’t even be able to tell the difference.” He bit into the meat of Harry’s hip then and sucked a mark.

“ _Ahhhh_ ,” Harry fisted Zayn’s hair. “I…I…I mean that,” he swallowed. “I mean that I’ve never.” Zayn allowed Harry to pull his head away. “I’ve never done _this_ with anyone.” Harry’s cheeks turned red.

“Oh, _baby_.” Zayn was finally able to undo Harry’s pants. “You’re never going to want to do anything but this, when I’m through with you.” Zayn said, swirling his finger around one of Harry’s nipples. He gave Harry one last devastating smile before he began to suck the other.

“Just this once.” Harry sighed out as Zayn undid his own jeans with his unoccupied hand.

“Mmmhmm.” Zayn licked a stripe down Harry’s torso, stopping above his boxer-brief line. “You ready?” Zayn asked to be polite. He’d already started pumping Harry and himself.

Harry’s eyes were closed, mouth-hanging open, the sheets clenched in his fists as he nodded his consent.

Zayn licked the vein on the underside of Harry’s cock from bottom to top, savoring the taste of Harry. “You get really wet.” He moaned as he took Harry into his mouth, bobbing up and down experimentally. “I like it.” Zayn pulled off, just to plunge Harry back so far into his throat, he saw stars.

Zayn curled his hand around the base of Harry’s cock and swirled his tongue greedily around the head. He groaned loudly as he held Harry’s hips down with one hand and palmed himself with the other. Zayn couldn’t get over the way Harry tasted in his mouth. He couldn’t wait to lap up the next pearl of precome. He slowly twirled his way down to the Harry’s base, making Harry’s hips buck up.

“ _Shiiiiiiit_ ,” Harry moaned out, his grip on Zayn’s hair tightening.

Zayn sucked so hard his cheeks hollowed out. He forgot about his gag reflex and moaned as Harry’s cock nudged the back of his throat. He loosened his grip on Harry’s hips allowing him a little room to fuck in his own rhythm. Harry didn’t move at all. Zayn’s eyes flashed up towards Harry as he pulled off with a loud, slurpy pop.

“It’s okay,” Zayn’s voice was hoarse, “you can thrust a little, I don’t mind.” He pumped Harry’s length and sat up on his knees.

“S’okay” Harry said with his eyes smashed shut and his teeth sunk into his bottom lip. “This is good.” Harry still clenched the sheets in one hand, knuckles ghostly white.

“You look like you’re being tortured.” Zayn continued to increase the speed and pressure he was applying to Harry’s cock. Harry furrowed his eyebrows in thought and finally thrust up a little bit. “There we go.” Zayn raised an eyebrow. “S’good, isn’t it?” Zayn straddled Harry’s thighs as he kissed Harry’s swollen, pink mouth.

“Mmhmm.” Harry moaned into the kiss. His hands slowly sliding up Zayn’s bare back.

Zayn reluctantly stopped pumping and pushed his pants down all the way, letting the air hit his own erection.

“Wh..wh.what are you doing?” Harry panicked, as he eyed Zayn’s cock.

“Relax, Styles. You’ll see.”

Zayn pushed his weight onto his left arm as he straightened out his legs to hover over Harry. He licked into Harry’s mouth while taking both his and Harry’s cocks into his right hand.

“Zayn.” Harry moaned. Zayn swallowed it as he gave a few hesitant thrusts.

“God, you’re so wet.”

“You just had my cock in your mouth, jerk.” Harry huffed.

“It’s not a bad thing, it’s gonna make this.” He started thrusting with purpose, “So much better.” He said, kissing Harry again.

Harry came first, in three long stripes, making Zayn’s grip even more wet and messy. But it wasn’t enough for Zayn.

“Harry.” Zayn stared at the boy beneath him. “Give me your hand.”

“I don’t know what to do…” Harry wouldn’t even look at Zayn.

“I’ll tell you as we go,” Zayn breathed heavily. “But first, you have to grab my dick.” He continued to pump himself.

Harry eventually grabbed Zayn’s shaft. “Like this?”

“Not really, lower, and squeeze tighter.” When Harry did as instructed, Zayn moaned louder than he ever had before. When Harry touched him, everything he felt was magnified. Zayn had never felt his skin heat up from someone’s touch like it did for Harry.

“Now what?” Harry asked.

“Touch, pump, anything you do to yourself.” Zayn started fucking himself into Harry’s palm.

“But…” Harry reached for one of Zayn’s nipples and squeezed the base of his cock a little tighter. 

“Here!” Zayn pulled Harry’s face to his neck. “Kiss me here, like I just did to you. Leave a mark if you want, I don’t care. I just need you to get me off.” 

“I’ve never touched my own come before.” Harry said and experimentally stroked Zayn.

“You would want to talk while you’ve got another man’s cock in your hand.” Zayn deadpanned.

“Sorry, I’ll shut up now,” Harry said before latching onto Zayn’s neck.

“I don’t… really…mind it.” Zayn grunted as he thrust into Harry’s now moving palm.

Zayn watched as Harry got a look of determination in his eyes and slid his other hand to Zayn’s jaw, pulling his face to his and kissing him fiercely, simultaneously squeezing the head of Zayn’s cock a little harder than the rest. Zayn groaned.

“S’that better?” Harry asked as he thumbed Zayn’s slit.

“Ahhh,” Zayn smiled, “yeah, loads.” He was still thrusting his hips into Harry’s hand, but Harry was learning.

“Okay.” Harry went right back for Zayn’s mouth, licking his bottom lip, just like Zayn had done to him earlier. 

Zayn’s body dipped, his thigh nudging Harry’s softening cock. Harry moaned.

“Sorry. M’arm’s tired.”

“S’alright, what do I need to do to get you to finish?” Harry asked. Zayn had never seen anyone go about giving a handjob like it was an assignment. He grabbed Harry’s hand and removed it.

“Jesus, Harry. This isn’t a test. I wanted to make you feel good and I thought you wanted to do the same for me.”

“I do!” Harry fisted Zayn’s cock again. “It’s taking a long time…”

“Yeah, hand jobs take a little while, Harry.  I can and _do_ , do this to myself.” He pulled Harry’s hand off again.

“So what, you’re saying this isn’t enough for you, then?” Harry furrowed his eyebrows.

“Don’t put words in my mouth! You’re enough for me!” Zayn stood up, with his pants still around his ankles. “I can’t help it you got off after three stokes, Harry. Have some stamina!” Zayn shouted.

“You sucked my dick!” Harry shouted back.

“Yeah, well. I was being nice!”

“You want me to suck your dick, is that what you’re saying?” Harry stalked over to Zayn, stark nude. “Because I swear to GOD. I will suck your dick right fucking now.” He pushed Zayn down onto the desk.

“I don’t want you too!” Zayn stared at Harry’s mouth.

“Oh yeah?” Harry asked as he slid to his knees.

“Yeah.” Zayn swallowed.

“So what,” Harry pushed Zayn’s thighs apart. “are you going to do,” Harry grabbed the base of Zayn’s cock one last time. “When I do this?” He swirled his tongue around Zayn’s shaft, mimicking what he could remember Zayn had just done to him.

“ _Harry_ ….” Zayn moaned out and grabbed Harry’s curls with both hands.

Zayn had a hard time believing Harry had never sucked cock before. Harry’s head bobbed up and down at a pace Zayn had only ever seen in porn. Harry sucked so hard, Zayn couldn’t think straight. Usually, he’d guided and directed, but with Harry, he was holding onto those curls for dear life.  Zayn could hear himself, he was mumbling what he assumed were absolutely filthy things to Harry. But he couldn’t stop himself from saying them. Harry was sucking his deepest desires from him. Harry wasn’t even holding his hips down, but Zayn didn’t dare move them.

“C’mon Zayn.” Harry pulled off. “M’jaw hurts.” He unhinged his jaw a few times before diving back into it.

Zayn stopped being passive and fucked Harry’s mouth.

“Jesus! Your mouth was made for this.” He tugged a little harder on Harry’s curls, causing Harry to groan, and added vibrations to Zayn’s cock. “Like that, Harry. Keep going.” Zayn moaned.

And Harry did. He opened his mouth all the way and took Zayn down to the base. When Zayn felt Harry’s nose nudge his pubic hair, he came, harder than he ever had in his entire life. Harry pulled off when the first spurt of Zayn’s come slid down the back of his throat.

“I thought you were supposed to give a heads up, you dick!” Harry said as Zayn stroked himself, riding his orgasm out.

“Sssssorry.” Zayn groaned out, a spout of come hitting Harry in the face.

“Gross!” The final spurt landed in his eye. “You’ve blinded me!” Harry smacked his hand to his eye, fiercely trying to rub Zayn’s come out.

“You stayed sat there, while I was finishing!” Zayn continued to stroke himself.

“Yeah, well, fuck you.” Harry pulled his pants back on. “You got it on my shirt too.”

“Toss it in my hamper and I’ll wash it with my clothes.” Zayn offered.

“I fucking hate you.” Harry grumbled as he threw the shirt into Zayn’s dirty clothes bin.

“Next time will be better, I promise.”

Harry’s head popped out from a white v-neck. “Next time?” he stormed back over to Zayn, who still had his cock in his hand, “There’s not going to _be_ a next time, Malik.” Harry poked Zayn’s chest before racing towards the door.

“Oh yeah? And why’s that?” Zayn shoved his softened cock back into his boxers.

“Because,” Harry’s voice trembled, “I’m not taking any more of your money.”

“What?” Zayn whispered. 

“I’m gonna sleep in Niall’s room tonight. See you when I see you.” 

“Harry…” Zayn called after him. Harry slammed the door.

What the hell just happened? 

***

Zayn wasn’t exactly sure how long he could expect Harry to avoid him. Usually, after they have an argument, Harry requires anywhere from three to five days to cool off. But this was different. They didn’t actually end the evening on an argument. They had hooked-up. Which Zayn assumed Harry considered worse.  Zayn had an odd feeling in the pit of his stomach. Harry had said he’d never done anything sexual with anyone before and he was so reluctant about everything last night. As if on cue, Louis sent him a text.

**Louis**

To: Zayn  
Maaaaaan, you fucked UP!

From: Zayn  
What?

To: Zayn  
You seriously don’t know?

From: Zayn  
I’m still in bed, I can’t have fucked up anything important.

To: Zayn  
You hooked up with Harry last night!

From: Zayn  
Sooo…?

You encouraged that, remember.

To: Zayn  
Zayn.

You gave him money last night.

From: Zayn  
I gave him money so he could eat out with friends.

To: Zayn  
Zayn.

From: Zayn  
WHAT!

To: Zayn  
You gave him money…

the same night you hooked up with him.

From: Zayn  
I didn’t give him money to hook up with me.

If that’s what you’re getting at.

To Zayn:  
Well, he didn’t take it that way.

From: Zayn  
You’re shitting me.

To: Zayn  
No man, he’s real upset about it.

Cried to Niall and Liam about it all night.

From: Zayn  
He’s such a fucking idiot!

To: Zayn  
Is he though?

From: Zayn  
Do you think I gave him fucking $40 to hook up with me?

If that’s what I wanted, don’t you think I’d have paid him a little more?

Shit.

From: Zayn  
He really thinks I paid him to hook up with me.

To: Zayn  
Did you make it clear you felt something for him?

besides a roommate?

From: Zayn  
How do I fix this, Lou?

From: Louis  
The only way you two ever fix anything.

It’s going to get loud and ugly.

From: Zayn  
I’ve got a better idea.

To: Zayn  
If by better, you mean terrible, I’m sure you’re right.

From: Zayn  
No, it’ll work.

***

Harry ignored Zayn for the next three days. He’d gone so far as to have Niall swing by their room to grab changes of clothes and his course books for the first day of classes. Zayn hadn’t truly expected anything different. In fact, he enjoyed his time alone. He spent his time dodging his dad’s phone calls about an internship at the prosecutor’s office. He said the usual “Dad, I want to be a defending attorney, not a prosecutor.” And his dad said the same” You’re a Malik man, Malik men are always prosecutors,” followed shortly by, “we’ll continue this at a later date.” Zayn couldn’t care less about ever continuing that particular conversation.

Zayn lounged across his bed, one knee in the air, and the other flat on the bed. He had Kid Cudi softly playing from his laptop as he exhaled smoke into Harry’s damned paper tube, as his head bobbed along to the beat, basically dead to the world. And that’s how Zayn almost got caught. He had the music so loud he didn’t hear the door fly open.

“Zayn, my boy!” His father’s voice boomed. “I had an alumni meeting on campus today and you’ll never guess who I bumped into lurking around the library.” He heard his father’s hand smack someone’s shoulder.

Zayn stashed the tube under his pillow. “No telling who you found, dad. You know everyone.” He stood, wiping his hands on his jeans preparing himself to meet one of his father’s cronies. He turned around and it was none other than a blushing Harry.

“He was sitting all alone in the library, so I thought I’d offer to walk him back across campus and let him pick my brain about the prosecuting business. I’m going to change his mind about joining the dark side one of these days.” Harry winced when Zayn’s father squeezed his shoulder. His eyes never left the floor.

“He likes it in there, been there the last three days. Should have left him alone.” Zayn almost snarled.

“Don’t be rude, Javadd. Are you two having a lover’s quarrel, hmm?” Yaser wagged his eyebrows, eyes flicking from one boy to the other.

“What!?! No!” Both boys shouted.  Harry’s eyes bolted wildly around the room, in an attempt to not focus on either of the Malik men in the room.

“Boys, did I strike a nerve?” Yaser teased, grinning. “You’ve been back at school four days, you two usually last two weeks before the first argument.

“We didn’t have an argument, dad. Harry is just uncomfortable with homosexual activity.” Zayn accused. Zayn’s father knew his son’s sexuality and wasn’t bothered by it. If he was honest about it, he thought Harry was the perfect match for his son. So, if Yaser meddled with the boys schedule and living situations, he felt perfectly justified in doing it, Harry was what the best for his son.

“That is absolutely _not_ true. I’m just uncomfortable with the idea of homosexual activity with _you_!” Harry’s nostrils flared as he poked Zayn’s chest.

“Boys.” Yaser backed away. They needed to figure this out on their own.

“Oh yeah?” Zayn shoved Harry back. “That’s not what you said three fucking days ago when I had your dick in my mouth, now is it?”

“Zayn!” Harry exclaimed, outraged. Tears were building behind his eyes as he looked between Yaser and his son.

“Or when you sucked my cock like it was a fucking lollipop! I think you’re quite comfortable with the idea of being ‘homosexual’ with me.” Zayn sneered, lining his face right up against Harry’s.

“Zayn, this isn’t appropriate.” Yaser grabbed his son’s elbow. Zayn shrugged him off.

“Harry’s what you want for me, right?” Harry gasped for air. “For me to ‘make a statement’ to the family?” Zayn added air quotes

“Now is not the time.” Yaser stood between the two boys.

Harry’s breath was erratic as he tried to calm himself down. Zayn shouldn’t have brought this up in front of him. Especially when he had just realized he had feelings for the boy himself. He’d blown it, might as well blow his chance all the way to hell.

“Is that what that was about? You were using me to prove a point to your dad?” Harry’s bottom lip quivered.

“NO! The point of this argument, right now, is that he got what he wanted. And he knows what that is.” Zayn shouldered past Harry. “It just sucks that I never get what I want.”

Harry pulled his forearm across his stomach, it made him look even smaller. “Then tell me what it’s about, because I feel like a fucking toy right now, Zayn.”

“Really? I thought you’d feel like a whore.” Zayn walked back into Harry’s personal space. “Louis told me, you know. That you told Liam you only hooked up with me because I spotted you money for dinner.” He yanked Harry’s arm from his growling tummy. Zayn knew that he shouldn’t have brought it up in front of his father, but here he was, ruining any chance he had left with Harry.

“Boys! This has gotten out of hand!” Yaser tried to reign in the disaster he’d started.

“I…I…” Harry trailed off.

“Go on, Harry. Say it!” Zayn stomped over to the door. “You only hooked up with me the other night because I paid for your dinner! Imagine how I felt when my best friend, who by the way, helped me figure out I was _in love_ with you, of all people. Came and told me you hooked up with me because I gave you _$40_ so you could go to dinner with your friends.” Harry was crying now, and Zayn was fuming.

“I wasn’t ready to have this conversation.” Harry barely whispered.

“Zayn, that’s enough.”

“It’s not enough! You did this, dad! You have done nothing but push me towards him for the past three years. And he’s never wanted anything to do with me. But you, you kept pushing and now look what you’ve done.” Zayn’s voice cracked.

“What have I done, son? Made you want something better for yourself? I thought I was helping. I know it hurts pretending to be something you’re not in this family.” He gestured towards Harry.

“I was happy, dad! And now, I’m miserable!” Zayn grabbed the doorknob, “Can you just, go home? I don’t want to see you right now.” Zayn opened the door.

“Zayn, you can talk to him. Make him see it was just a big misunderstanding.” He held his son’s face between his palms. “He’s good for you.” Yaser patted his son’s cheek.

“Leave.” Zayn turned his head.

“I love you, _jaan_.” Yaser gently kissed his son’s forehead and walked down the narrow hallway.

Harry had slumped onto his desk chair, his hands running through his wildly long curls while he took long slow, calming breaths. Zayn noticed his shoulder blades and each bump of his spine protruding from his thin white t-shirt. The growling from Harry’s stomach had only gotten louder. Zayn focused on the sound of Harry’s hunger over the sound of sobbing.

“Umm, I’m gonna go down to Liam’s…” Zayn ducked his head and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Okay.” Harry wiped a tear from his cheek.

“Just need to cool off a bit.” He looked at Harry’s fragile frame.

“‘S fine.” Harry snuffled.

“And would you eat?” Zayn said over his shoulder, before closing the door behind him.

***

Zayn and Harry shared seven out of their nine classes, so they had to see each other. Harry had tried his best to ignore Zayn throughout the day, unfortunately for Harry, he and Zayn had developed a reputation of pushing each other in classes to be better and work harder. Naturally, the professors paired them up, or sat them close to each other. Zayn would be lying if he said he was sure his father didn’t put them up to this. It was in their fourth and final class of the day that Zayn decided he’d try to feel out Harry’s anger level.

“Hey.” Zayn knocked his black boot against Harry’s Nike tennis shoe.

Harry flipped him off.

“You forgot this.” Zayn flung Harry’s tattered copy of _Wuthering Heights_ at him.

Harry grumbled.

“Don’t worry, no thanks needed.” Zayn smirked, pulling his own pristine copy from his bag.

Harry clenched his jaw.

Class began the same way all their other lit classes did. The professor was a grad student, teaching this section of British Literature to non-majors, the real professors only waste their time on lit majors. The TA explained that the reading schedule was a little heavy the first week, but if need be, she was willing to slow it down as long as the class promised to actually read the books. Zayn and Harry were sat in the front, as usual, and Zayn continued to pester Harry throughout the course introduction, and Harry continued to ignore him. Harry kicked back a few times.

“Excuse me,” Sarah, as she wanted to be called, looked down her roster. “Mr. Malik and Mr. Styles, is it?”

Harry inhaled, “yes.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Zayn smiled.

“Am I boring you?” Her heels clicked on the tile as she moved to stand in front of the boys.

“No ma’am.” Harry uttered quickly.

“Then do you care to explain why you two are so interested in each other, Mr. Styles?” She leaned forward, tapping her fingernails in his desk.

Harry dragged his eyes up to her face. Zayn’s jaw clenched.

“My roommate is a child, ma’am. He’ll behave now.” Zayn saw Harry flash a dimpled smile. “Won’t you, Zayn.” He patted Zayn’s forearm. Zayn felt sparks where Harry’s palm connected with his skin.

“My apologies, Sarah. It won’t happen again.” Zayn blinked a few times and looked at her from under his lashes. Harry’s nostrils flared.

“You two are going to be something else.” She mumbled to herself as she walked back to her desk.

Zayn landed a particularly hard kick to Harry’s calf.

“Fucker.” Zayn mumbled, flipping him off.

Sarah took the entire 50 minutes to talk all about the course and how excited she was about the selections she’d chosen for them to read. Harry was feigning interest and Zayn was irritated. He needed to talk to Harry to see what he could expect. But Sarah was relentless. She dismissed the class with the typical: “Actually read the assignment, I’ll know if you just look up spark notes. And bonus points if you take excellent reading notes.” Harry frantically packed his bag, knowing Zayn would try to corner him. Harry was fast, but Zayn was faster. Zayn cut him off at the door.

“D’you have plans for lunch?” Zayn stood directly in front of Harry.

“Yeah, not spending it with you.” Harry spat.

“Would you let me apologize?” He grabbed Harry’s arm. “C’mon, we’ll get Chipotle or something.” He wondered if Harry felt the sparks too.

“Sure we could, if I was speaking to you, or had a spare $10.”

“You know I’d get it, I’m apologizing. It’s common courtesy.”

“Zayn, you’re going to make me late.” Harry whined and tried to shoulder past.

“I’m going to make you late… for lunch?” Zayn cocked his head to the side.

“Zayn. I don’t…can we just, not?” Harry ran a hand through his hair.

Harry looked worse for wear. He had bags under his bloodshot eyes and his face was puffy, clothes wrinkly. His greasy hair was tucked behind a rutty old headscarf. He hadn’t even gone back to the room to change this morning.

“You go back to the dorm, I’ll pick up lunch and we can talk there.” Zayn gripped Harry’s shoulder.

“Nothing expensive.” Harry bit into his bottom lip.

“Honestly, just Chipotle.” Zayn shook his head. “You still like the vegan thing, sofrata?”

“Sofritas? And yes. With the brown rice. And just that medium salsa.”

“You want guac or sour cream or cheese?”

“No, thank you.” He shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Got it.” Zayn smiled. “See you back at the room.”

***

Chipotle took longer than expected. Harry had showered and was wrapped in a towel with damp hair sprawled out on his bed when he heard Zayn’s key in the door. Zayn was determined to talk about what happened the other night regardless of Harry’s intentions to never speak of it again. Harry decided it would be easier to get it over quick enough that Zayn would leave him the Chipotle and go bug Louis or someone else.

“I believe you’ve got some apologizing to do…” Harry grabbed his burrito from Zayn.

Zayn flopped down next to Harry. “I shouldn’t have brought you into the fight with my father.” Zayn stared at the bed. “He’s pushed me towards you for so long, and you just don’t want me.” Zayn’s voice broke. “I don’t even know when it started to bother me. It used to be funny.”

Zayn felt the tears well up behind his eyes. He would wait for Harry to leave to let them fall. He just needed to get this out in the open. Let Harry know he didn’t expect anything from him. That he wasn’t just a pawn in a fight with his father. He needed to show Harry that he’d wormed his way into to Zayn’s life and he couldn’t just leave it.

“Zayn…”

“Would you just let me apologize?” Zayn drug his hands down his face. “I’m sorry I embarrassed you in front of my father, I’m sorry I made you feel cheap. And…I’m sorry.”

Harry swallowed.

“No matter what you think, you’re worth more to me than $40. I know our relationship is weird and you hate me more days than not, but…”

“I’m not enough for you.” Harry shook his head. “You deserve more than me.” Harry stared out the window.

“You don’t get to decide what I deserve, Harry. I deserve what I want, and what I want, is you. And if you don’t want it too, I’ll just have to deal.” Zayn shrugged.

“I can’t give you what you want.” Harry whispered, eyes downcast.

“How can you know what I want, Harry? I don’t even know.” Zayn wiped his nose on his sleeve.

“I can’t give you a label.” He sat his burrito down.

“I don’t want one.” Zayn moved closer. “I want whatever you want to do.” He cupped Harry’s jaw.

“Your dad wants a label.” Harry leaned into Zayn’s touch.

“Who cares what he wants, Harry?” He pushed a few damp curls behind Harry’s ear. “What do you want?” Zayn looked into Harry’s eyes to search for the answer.

“I want what we did…again.” Harry blushed at his own words. “It was good.”

“Okay.” Zayn nudged Harry’s nose with his. “I can do that.” He smiled.

“I mean, like now.” Harry looked down to his tented towel.

“Just right now?” Zayn’s fingers slid under the towel.

Harry forgot to breathe.

“Because I want this,” Zayn pointed between the two of them. “I want this to be a regular thing.” He kissed Harry’s neck.

“What?” Harry’s mouth hung open. “Why?”

“I like sex, and you seem to like it. And we live together. It’s just convenient. You won’t have to worry about walking in on me with anyone this way…” Zayn pulled his body flush against Harry’s.

“You want to hook up with me, so I don’t walk in on you with anyone else?” Harry raised his eyebrows. He tentatively placed his hands on Zayn’s shoulders.

“That and I’d rather have this,” he nipped Harry’s earlobe, “then nothing at all.”

“But, I’m not gay.” Harry whispered. Zayn felt like he’d just been slapped.

“Oh, really?” Zayn huffed. “You got off with me three nights ago, and you just asked for it again.”

Harry swallowed his reply.

“If you’ve got something to say, say it.” Zayn gripped Harry through the towel.

“I’m not.”

“You’re not what, Harry, gay? Then what are you, bi? I don’t care. This is a good idea. And you know it.”

“I don’t even like you.” Zayn applied more pressure. Harry’s head fell back with a groan.

“That’s not true. You resent me, but you don’t _not_ like me.” Zayn tilted his head to the side.

“I’m not gay.” Harry shook his head.

“So you’ve said.” Zayn placed his hand under Harry’s chin.

“I’m not!”

“Okay then, let me ask you this.” Zayn could feel how wet Harry was getting through the towel. “Do you do what we’ve done with girls?”

“I told you the other night; I’ve never done anything with anyone until you.”

“Okay, do you want to do what we did with girls?” Zayn untied the towel and let it fall.

“I…I don’t know, I’ve never had time to think about it.” He leaned forward, chasing Zayn’s mouth.

“See, this is perfect. We’re already here, at the same time, when one of us needs to get off, we’ll help the other out. You won’t have to waste time finding a girl, or anyone else, to get off with. Because _I’ll_ already be here…” Zayn inched closer to Harry.

“But…” Harry tilted his head.

“But what?” Zayn asked licking his lips. “You can always back out.”

“Studying,” Harry’s eyes flickered to Zayn’s lips. “And homework.” He closed his eyes, “And Niall’s social calendar…”

“Mmhmm.” Zayn agreed before he slid his mouth over Harry’s. He tilted Harry’s jaw for better access, licking in and exploring his mouth.

Harry pulled away with a dazed look on his face. He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth as he thought about Zayn’s suggestion. “Okay.” 

“Okay?” Zayn followed Harry’s mouth

“Okay.” Harry said before he pushed Zayn onto his back, smashing his lips to Zayn’s.


	2. Part Two

Zayn and Harry’s living situation improved dramatically. There were hardly any loud arguments. There were hardly any arguments at all, honestly. Zayn could tell when Harry was stressed and needed to get off. Harry tended to pick fights about the dumbest little things and Zayn would shout back louder. Zayn would get reckless, mixing weed with alcohol before an exam, or blowing off studying all together in favor of smoking with Louis. 

Harry was always rough with Zayn, perhaps to show his distaste with how much he enjoyed their arrangement, or maybe it was his way of battling his growing feelings for Zayn. If he kept the blowjobs rough, he can’t possibly start to develop feelings for someone he’s using to get himself off. 

Zayn was only rough with Harry when he was beyond stressed out and couldn’t get ahold of any weed. He used every encounter to try to show Harry he had deeper feelings than a casual sex thing. Harry chose to ignore the difference between their two sexual styles. It never mattered; they pretty much exclusively blew each other, nothing more. 

Zayn was tired of blowjobs.

Two nights before their last midterm, Niall had planned a get together at the local pub so everyone could recharge their batteries before studying into the night. 

“C’mon, guys. We’ll just have a quick bite and maybe a beer.” Niall sent out in a group text.

Zayn, Liam, Louis, and a few others responded that they’d be there, or that they could use a break. Harry informed them all that he had to study or he’d fail the test. None of them were taking “no” for an answer. Harry ended up turning his phone off to escape the group message.

Zayn walked into their room two hours before the scheduled study break and found Harry slouched over his textbook, fingers massaging his temples and groaning.

“What chapter are you on?” Zayn asked as he flicked the lock.

“They’ve all blurred together.” Harry rolled his neck. Stress was getting the best of him.

Zayn toed his boots off at the door and made his way over to Harry. He began to knead the knots from his shoulders. “Do you need it, babe?” Zayn bit into his earlobe.

Harry groaned. “I need to study.”

Zayn slid his hands down Harry’s torso and placed open mouth kisses down Harry’s neck. 

“Sure that’s what you need?” He unzipped Harry’s jeans.

“Ungh.” Harry exhaled, leaned his head back on Zayn’s shoulder and shifted his knees.

“Nah uh, tell me you need it.” Zayn gripped Harry with a firm palm.

“I do, I need it.” Harry raised his hips, giving Zayn the go ahead to push his jeans down.

Zayn spun Harry’s chair around and dropped to his knees. “Why do you let it get this bad?” Zayn gave Harry a few pumps. 

“Get on with it.” Harry grabbed Zayn’s hair. “I’ve got to study.”

“So demanding.” Zayn sucked a mark into Harry’s thigh. They made an agreement not to leave marks where anyone could see.

“Zayyyyyn, c’mon.” Harry whined.

Harry whining was one of Zayn’s least favorite things. To shut him up, he licked the wide vein on the underside of Harry’s cock, flicking his tongue against the sensitive head. Harry sucked air between his teeth.

“Always so sensitive.” Zayn smirked before taking Harry fully into his mouth.

“Ungh, yesssss.” Harry groaned.

Zayn gently applied pressure with his teeth.

“God, Zayn,” Harry said through gritted teeth. And that’s when they heard it a loud banging on their door.

“Jesus, when did you two start locking your door? Let me in!” Niall yelled from the hallway.

“Shit.” Zayn pulled off Harry. “What do we do?” He panicked.

“I dunno, you’re not the one with your cock out.” Harry deadpanned.

“I know you guys are in there! I heard you arguing.” Niall kept banging on the door.

“Well, go let him in.” Harry yanked his pants back up, shoving his erection down the leg of his boxer briefs.

“My hair’s a mess! It blatantly looks like I’ve been fucking!”

“Just a second, Niall!” Harry shouted. 

“Fucking let me in! Nothing I haven’t seen you two doing before.” Niall continued his assault on the door.

“Jesus, Niall. Are you trying to knock through the door?” Zayn asked as he pulled the door open.

“Just making sure you’re both ready for the study break.” Niall threw himself into the chair, shoving a handful of potato chips in his mouth.

“Trying to get ready now.” Zayn mumbled.

“Looks like it, your hair’s a mess, bro.” Niall pointed at Zayn’s puffy hair.

“Leave and I’ll fix it.” He grumbled.

“Don’t be rude to Niall, Zayn.” Harry scolded. “I’m not coming, I don’t have the time. I told you that.” Harry rolled his desk chair in front of his obvious erection.

“Harry, c’mon. You can spare an hour.” Niall continued to eat the chips. “Liam’s paying for everyone since we’ve been so much better than the last two years.”

Harry took a deep breath.

“He’ll be there, Niall.” Zayn interrupted Harry’s pending tirade. “Even if I have to drag him.” He added.

“Good. See you in in lobby in twenty minutes.” Niall said as made his way to the door.

“Twenty minutes!” Harry huffed. “We still have an hour before you said to meet!”

“That’s the whole group for the beer. Liam wanted us five to meet for dinner beforehand.” Harry almost growled. “S’the matter with you? Free food and you’ll be off campus. The perfect study break.” Niall shrugged.

“I had something I needed to do before, s’all.” Harry ran a hand through his hair, his nostrils flared. 

Zayn clenched his jaw. “I don’t, I’ll be down in twenty-five, tops.” He glared over at Harry.

“Cool, see you down there, boys.” Niall bounded out of the room.

Zayn grabbed his hair gel from his desk and moved to close the door, Niall never closes doors. He stood in front of the mirror and waited for Harry to explode.

“I need more than twenty-five minutes, Zayn!” Harry stormed over to him. “You said yourself it’s gotten bad.”

“I’ll take care of it when we get back.” Zayn focused on his hair.

“When we get back!?!” Harry complained. “I’m so hard right now, it’s not going to just go away.” He grabbed Zayn’s tub of gel.

“You’ll be fine.” He continued to perfect his hair.

“Look at this!” Harry grabbed his crotch. “I’m too worked up for it to just ‘go away.’” He threw Zayn’s gel across the room.

“Tuck it up in the elastic and forget about it. Let’s go.” Zayn said as he shrugged on his leather jacket.

“No! You started this. You have to finish it!” Harry shouted.

Zayn shoved Harry into the wall. “And I said I would, when we get back.” Harry stared at Zayn’s mouth, breath coming out in shallow huffs. “Now, let’s go.” He placed a kiss on Harry’s lips. 

Harry grabbed the back of Zayn’s neck, deepening the kiss, just desperate with need. His tongue swiped Zayn’s bottom lip, waiting for entrance. Zayn didn’t give him what he wanted. When he did it again, Zayn bit the tip of his tongue.

“Ow, you fucker!”

“I will take care of you when we get back, just like I promised.” Zayn stared straight into Harry’s eyes. “If you’re on your best behavior tonight, I may have a little treat for you when we get back.” Zayn wagged his eyebrows.

“If it doesn’t end with me coming, I don’t want it.” Harry grumbled as he readjusted his erection.

“You’ll come, I promise you that.” Zayn said with a devilish smirk. “Now, move it.”

***

Harry was not on his best behavior. In fact, he was a brat the entire dinner. He ignored Liam when he asked him direct questions about studying for their last final. He picked at his burger, threw fries at Zayn, and only spoken when directly addressed.

“What’s wrong with you, Harry?” Louis asked when he returned with a round of beer.

“Don’t want to be here.” He grumbled.

“Oh, yeah? And why might that be?” Louis flung his arm around Harry’s shoulder. “You don’t like us anymore?” He asked with a pout.

“I need to study.” Harry kicked Zayn’s leg under the table, and sipped from his beer.

“I think you need to get laid.” Harry gulped, and his eyes widened.

“Don’t be absurd.” Harry caught Zayn’s smirk.

“Just think of it. We’ll get you a nice blonde girl, you look like you’re into blondes, and she’ll suck the stress right out of you!” Louis made an obscene gesture. “That’s how Liam manages to not blow a gasket. Right, Li?”

“The difference there is, I actually have a girlfriend, I don’t just go fucking about.”

Harry shrugged Louis off, “I don’t need a girl. I’m fine.”

“D’you prefer a boy then? Because that can be arranged.” Louis ruffled Harry’s curls. “Now that I mention it, I’ve never seen or heard you talk about a person of either sex…”

“I focus on studying. You know I have to maintain a 3.5 to keep all my scholarships.”

“But when you jerk off, who do you think about, eh?” Louis elbowed Harry’s ribs.

“I...uh...Bathroom.” Zayn suddenly announced.

“C’mon! The fun’s just starting!” Louis cried.

“Don’t really want to hear what exactly it is Harry thinks about when he’s jerking it.” Zayn rolled his eyes. 

“Afraid it’s you he jerks it too, Malik?” Harry’s eyes widened more, resembling saucers.

Zayn narrowed his eyes. “Have a shot ready for me when I get back, yeah?”

“No shots, just beer!” Liam yelled from his side of the booth.

“Zayn!” Niall shouted as he returned from the bar, “you can’t break the seal yet!”

“Why am I friends with you people?” Zayn mumbled as he slid back into the booth.

“You haven’t really got much of a choice.” Liam shrugged.

“Alright, boys. What are we talking about?” Niall grinned and sat the latest round of beers on the table.

“No more after this.” Liam instructed. “We still have one midterm left to take.”

“Stand down, Liam. We’ve got it under control.” Louis patted Liam’s cheek. “And Niall, wouldn’t you know, we were discussing young Harold’s preferred jerking material.”

“Niiiice,”Niall high-fived Louis. “Ellie Goulding, now there’s someone who can get it anytime, anyplace.” Niall raised his beer.

“Here here!” Louis clinked their glasses. “So, Harold. Blondes or brunettes?”

Harry took a bite of his burger, hoping to get out of answering any sex related questions. It didn’t work, everyone but Zayn was staring at him waiting for an answer.

“I like dark hair.” Harry mumbled around a mouthful of burger.

“Really?” Louis questioned. “I took you for a blondes type.”

“Not really.” Harry tried not to look at Zayn.

“When’s the last time you’ve had a pretty brunette on their knees, eh?” Louis wasn’t even attempting to be subtle anymore.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.” Harry scoffed.

“It’s my business because you’re ruining a perfectly good boys night out with your stressed out, moody, non-sense. Now, do you want me to set you up with a girl or gu…”

“I’m not gay.” Harry didn’t even let him finish. Zayn clenched his jaw.

“Louis! Let it alone.” Niall cut him off.

Harry’s face seemed to be permanently flushed from that point on. Louis continuously stared back and forth between Harry and Zayn. Zayn smoked more cigarettes than Harry had ever seen him smoke before. Meanwhile, Liam and Niall were genuinely trying to have a good time. All Harry really wanted to do was get back to the room and have Zayn get him off. He bounced his knees, tapped his fingers, and downed his two allotted beers, waiting for Zayn to ask him if he was ready to head back.

Zayn knew Harry was ready to go. He wouldn’t stop fidgeting. He scarfed down his food, after he stopped playing with it, chugged his two beers, and cut all conversations off with curt, almost rude answers. Zayn wasn’t going to give in. He knew what Harry wanted and he was going to make Harry accept that he wanted Zayn. Zayn was prepared to sit there all night chain smoking if it meant Harry had to accept who he was.

Zayn was doing a fantastic job ignoring Harry. He and Niall were in the middle of an intense dart match. Harry sat at the booth, staring at the pair the whole game. Right when Zayn was ready to throw his first dart of the second game, he felt Harry tap his shoulder.

“We need to go back.” He said urgently.

“We just started another round.” Zayn didn’t even look at him.

“Zayyyn, we need to study for our midterm.” Harry’s teeth were ground together.

“If you’re so worried about it, head back and start by yourself.” Zayn threw his dart, barely missed the red bull’s-eye.

“You know the material better.” Harry’s hand slid down Zayn’s back.

“Now that’s a damned lie!” Niall interrupted. “No one knows academia better than you, Harry.”

“Zayn knows this better.” He grabbed the dart from Zayn’s hand.

Zayn snatched it back. “I’m staying here and finishing this round of darts.” He almost missed the board completely.

“No, you’re not. Harry stomped his foot.

“Did you just stomp your foot at me?” Zayn laughed.

“This isn’t funny, Zayn. We need to go back to the room and study.” Harry crossed his arms.

“Sure that’s what we need to do? Because I need to finish this round.” Zayn glared at Harry.

“Will you please come help me study?” Harry almost begged.

Zayn shook his head. “I’ll be there when I get there.” He hit the bull’s-eye.

“Zayn! I need your help!” Harry grabbed Zayn’s arm.

“You need it? Because it sounds like you want it.” Zayn yanked his arm from Harry’s grasp.

“You win, okay!” Harry petulantly yelled. “I want your help.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. Niall shuffled awkwardly back to the booth.

“That’s all you had to say,” Zayn leaned in to Harry’s ear. “Babe.” Harry shivered.

“Alright, guys. Zayn and I are going to head back. We still have the comprehensive Brit Lit midterm to study. Lots of quotes and such to memorize.” Harry rambled as he almost jogged to the door.

“See ya ‘round, boys.” Zayn shouted.

Louis, Niall, and Liam all stayed sat at their booth. They politely waited for their friends to be out of sight before they all started talking at once about what they’d seen.

“They had that midterm on Tuesday…” Liam whispered.

“Oh yeah, they’re fucking.” Louis rubbed his forehead.

“We can’t sit here and start rumors…” Liam scolded.

“Definitely, I think I caught them in the act earlier, you should have seen them.” Niall added.

“I had Harry on the ropes earlier; I almost had it out of him.” Louis punched the table.

“You did no such thing! I got more information listening to them bicker at the dart boards!”

“Both of you stop it. It doesn’t matter. This is the quietest they’ve been since living together. Leave it alone.”

“It does matter. This isn’t going to end well for either of them. If Harry hurts Zayn, I’ll kill him.”

“Shut the fuck up, Lou. If Zayn hurts Harry, I’ll kill him.”

“Alright. The sides have been chosen.” Liam said objectively. “Hopefully neither of you will have to kill one of them.”

“We’ll see, boys, we’ll see.”

***

Harry was in such a hurry to get back to the dorm, Zayn had to jog to keep up with his long strides.

“Would you slow down, Harry? Geeze.” 

“No, ‘m about to explode.”

“You’ll be fine, babe.”

Zayn had been thinking about Harry’s “treat” all evening. He didn’t deserve it; he’d never seen Harry be so rude to the people closest to him. But, it had been awhile since Zayn had been properly fucked, he wanted it. And unlike Harry, he deserved a treat.

Once Harry and Zayn reached their room, Harry practically threw Zayn through the door, and unbuttoned his jeans before he even had the door fully closed.

“Don’t forget the lock.” Zayn kissed into Harry’s neck.

The lock clicked. Harry pulled Zayn’s mouth to his. “I fucking hate you.” He smashed their lips together in a heated kiss. Teeth clashed and lips were bitten. “Miserable asshole.” Harry shoved Zayn into the wall.

“Hah. I’m the miserable asshole.” Zayn mocked while Harry bit into his collarbone while he palmed himself. “Were you paying any attention to the way you treated your friends tonight?” Zayn tugged Harry’s curls

“Don’t care,” Harry sunk to his knees, and fidgeted with Zayn’s zipper.

Zayn gave Harry’s hair a particularly hard tug. 

“I want to do something different.” Zayn’s cheeks flushed.

“Umm, okay?” Harry questioned. 

“I want you to fuck me.” He stared at the floor, his cheeks burning.

“Are you blushing?” Harry tilted Zayn’s chin. “You are!” He grinned.

“It’s not easy asking someone who claims to they’re ‘not gay’ to fuck you, you know?” Zayn mumbled.

“I’m not not gay. I’m just not ready to label myself.” Harry gently cradled Zayn’s jaw.

“Will you fuck me or not?” Zayn pulled Harry closer by his waist.

Harry pressed his lips against Zayn’s. Harry licked into his mouth for a slow, passionate kiss. 

“I don’t know what to do.” He pulled back, his hands still cupping Zayn’s jaw. “I’ve never. You know I’m a…I’ve never had actual sex.” 

“I’ll tell you what to do.” Zayn rutted against Harry.

“I don’t have a condom…” Harry hadn’t disagreed.

“I do.” Zayn licked the column of Harry’s neck.

“But…” He curled his fingers in Zayn’s hair.

“But what, Harry?” Zayn whispered while he sucked Harry’s earlobe.

“Won’t it like, hurt you?” Harry swallowed.

“In the best way possible.” Zayn purred. His thumbnail scratched Harry’s nipple as he slid it down his torso.

“Ahhh, okay.” Harry finally agreed.

“Okay?” Zayn’s eyes lit up like a little kid’s on Christmas. 

“Yeah, okay.” Harry nodded.

“Okay.” Zayn blew out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “Go wait on my bed, I have to get the stuff.” Zayn turned towards his desk.

“Why your bed?” Harry argued.

“Because…” Zayn trailed. “It gets messy, since I’m the one that wanted this, I figured the mess should be on my bed.”

“Oh,” Harry played with his fingers. “Makes sense.” He pouted.

“What’s the matter?” Zayn raised an eyebrow.

“We always do what we do on my bed…” Harry spoke into his shoulder.

“So, you want to fuck me on your bed? That’s fine.” Zayn dug around in his drawer for lube and a condom.

“Is that okay… do you prefer doing that on your bed?” It was Harry’s turn to blush.

“It doesn’t matter to me, Harry. Wherever you’re comfortable.” Zayn tossed the lube at Harry and held the condom between his first two fingers, as if to show Harry that he actually did have one.

“Then, yeah. My bed, please.” Harry stared at the bottle.

Zayn understood. Harry had nothing to bring to this, whatever it was they were doing, and it bothered him. He almost exclusively ate his own food, and only dug into Zayn’s “Harry” stash when he’d been out of food for at least two days. He still insisted on using his pair of headphones even though the left one gave out three weeks ago. Harry was stubborn and Zayn got it. He needed to feel like something they did was his. Zayn would let him have this. Let him have them.

“You gonna leave your clothes on, then?” Zayn asked as he pulled his shirt over his head.

“Are we just gonna get right to it? Can’t we make out a little bit first?” Harry asked shyly.

Zayn crawled into Harry’s lap, one knee on either side of his hips. “We can do whatever you want, babe.” He leaned in and kissed Harry softly.

Harry was freaking out, Zayn could tell. He didn’t fight Zayn for power during this kiss. He let Zayn control everything. If Zayn tilted Harry’s jaw slightly, Harry stayed at the new angle. If Zayn licked Harry’s bottom lip, he immediately opened his mouth. There was no playfulness. There was no need to prove himself. It was almost as if Harry’s nerves caused him to check out altogether. Zayn pulled back.

“Harry, you don’t want to do this?” He stroked Harry’s cheek.

Harry’s eyes were closed, savoring the feeling of Zayn’s gentle fingers on his face. His lips parted waiting for Zayn to continue. He slid his large palms up Zayn’s back to rest on his shoulder blades.

“You’re wrong.” Harry opened his eyes. “I do…I’m just scared.” He swallowed.

“Why are you scared?” Zayn ran his fingers through Harry’s soft curls.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do…” Harry trailed off, “and you’ve given me no time to prepare.” His hands made their way to Zayn’s lower back.

“You wanted to study up on sex?” Zayn bit Harry’s neck, not hard enough to leave a mark, just hard enough to get Harry flustered.

“N-no, maybe, I don’t know.” Harry shook his head. “You just sprung it on me.” Harry’s hands roamed Zayn’s back. He had a thing for touching Zayn’s back. He enjoyed the muscle beneath his skin. Harry didn’t have muscle under his skin, just bones.

“I’m going to teach you.” He kissed Harry’s neck. “I’m not going to let you hurt me.” He kissed the other side of Harry’s neck. “And, I’m also…” He licked Harry’s ear. “Going to be doing most of the work.” He unbuttoned Harry’s ridiculous floral print shirt. “Stop worrying.” He whispered and pushed the shirt from Harry’s shoulders, his fingers left goose bumps in their wake.

Harry dragged Zayn down by the neck for a deep, passionate kiss.

They kissed until both boys were painfully hard, all of their clothes long forgotten and tossed on the floor. Zayn still straddled Harry’s hips, grinding his naked cock against Harry’s.

Harry groaned. “Do I just lube up and go at it?” He reached for the bottle Zayn had thrown him earlier.

“Absolutely not.” Zayn huffed. “I have to get ready.” Zayn raised his eyebrows.

“You’re already naked, how much more ready do you need to be?” Harry stroked himself. Zayn smacked his hand away.

“I have to get stretched out… otherwise you will hurt me.” Zayn took the bottle from Harry’s fingers.

“Oh.” Harry looked away. “How do you do that?” He mumbled to the floor.

Zayn cradled Harry’s jaw and forced him to look at him. Harry had his bottom lip between his teeth, and it looked like he was about to cry from embarrassment.

“Umm, fingers… and lube.” Zayn brought their foreheads together.

“Do you, like, need help?” 

“Well, it’s easier if someone else does it, but if you don’t want to… I can do it myself.” Zayn crawled off Harry's lap and onto the bed. “Just have to be horizontal.”

“You meant it… when you said you’d teach me?” Harry’s eyes lit up at the idea of a new challenge.

Zayn nodded as he laid back and uncapped the bottle. Harry slowly covered Zayn’s naked body with his own and grabbed Zayn’s hand that held the lube, his thumb caressing the back of Zayn’s hand.

“Okay, tell me what to do.” Harry said as he kissed Zayn’s neck and began to rut against him.

“Umm, you just kind of distract me while you start…with one finger at a time.” Zayn ran his hands up Harry’s neck, his dull fingernails scratched against Harry’s scalp.

“Distract you how? Like, talk to you about our criminal law midterm tomorrow?” Harry continued grinding his erection against Zayn’s.

“Hah.” Zayn pulled one of Harry’s wrists between them, squirting a generous amount of the clear liquid onto Harry's fingers. “You could…” He sucks Harry’s bottom lip into his mouth. “But, s’not the best way.” He began exploring Harry’s mouth.

Harry had forgotten all about the lube on his hand and placed his palm on Zayn’s chest. His hand slipped down to Zayn’s stomach. He let it continue on down until he felt Zayn’s cock at his palm. Zayn bucked up, almost desperate for Harry’s touch.

Harry understood what Zayn meant, “Oh…” He lazily stroked Zayn. “Give me the bottle.” Harry purred into Zayn’s skin as he kissed and licked his way down to where Zayn wanted him the most.

Zayn moaned, placed both hands on Harry’s head, his hips bucking without his permission. “Mmmhmm,” he attempted to answer.

“One at a time?” Harry was between Zayn’s legs, holding his cock like a microphone as he asked what to do.

“Until I say more.” Zayn nodded.

“Will you just say ‘more’ or some…”

“HARRY!” Zayn interrupted him. “You’ll know when I want more! Get your fingers in me!” He demanded.

Harry’s eyes widened, he had never truly known someone who genuinely wanted what Zayn was asking of him. Sure he had seen porn before where a girl, or a guy, would sometimes use their fingers on a guy while blowing them. But now that someone was begging him to do it, Harry didn’t know how he felt about it, if it was something he actually wanted to take part in. He only agreed to do this because he never told Zayn no. Zayn does so much for him especially money wise, he doesn’t feel like he’s allowed to tell him no. And it’s not like Zayn had asked to fuck him, he wanted to be fucked.

“Harry.” Zayn cupped Harry’s jaw. “We don’t have to do this.” Zayn took in Harry’s doe-eyed expression, “you aren’t comfortable…” He attempted to pull Harry’s head back up to kiss him.

“It’s fine.” Harry shook him off. “I’m just thinking.” Zayn watched Harry’s expression go blank as he turned off whatever emotion was causing him to “think” so much. Zayn hated when Harry tuned out his emotions. He couldn’t make Harry do this, he needed to stop him.

“Harry…” Zayn tried but as he hit the “Y” he felt Harry swirl his tongue around his cock. Deliciously slow, just like Zayn had taught him. Zayn’s hands wound into Harry’s curls. “You sure?” He caressed Harry’s scalp.

Zayn looked down and made eye contact with Harry as he took his whole length into his mouth and hummed an “mmhmm” with his mouth full of cock. Zayn’s head fell back on the pillows and his hips thrust up into Harry’s mouth.

“So good.” Zayn moaned.

That’s when he felt it. Harry had one of his fingers, Zayn couldn’t tell which, nudging around his entrance. He took a deep breath, and Harry slipped his index finger in to the knuckle.

He pulled off Zayn with a slurpy pop. “Like this?” He asked.

“Umm, yeah.” Zayn’s hips stopped thrusting up and started to grind down on Harry’s finger. It had really been a long time since he’d had this.

“M’kay” Harry mumbled as he started fucking his finger in and out of Zayn. Harry was too overwhelmed to concentrate on both sucking Zayn off and stretching him out. So he just kind of messily kissed and breathed on Zayn’s cock, which seemed to be keeping Zayn distracted.

It wasn’t long at all before Harry heard a strained “More” from Zayn. He wasn’t exactly sure what he meant by more, but he assumed he meant more fingers, on the off chance he meant more lube, Harry took the bottle and squirted it right onto Zayn’s hole before he added his middle finger. Whatever Zayn meant, Harry had done it properly. He heard a filthy moan. Harry continued to fuck Zayn with the two fingers, content on waiting for the next instruction from Zayn, but he wasn’t getting anything. He wasn’t even sure Zayn was paying attention to what he was doing. He had his head thrown back, eyes clamped shut, and one hand gripping the wooden frame of Harry’s bed.

“S’this all?” Harry questioned.

“Wha?” Zayn continued to grind on Harry’s fingers.

“Is this all I do? Just fuck you with two fingers til you’re ready?” Harry continued with his motions, he kind of enjoyed watching Zayn be this desperate for something.

“Umm, no…” Zayn grabbed Harry’s wrist. “I can’t think with you doing that.” A small smile formed on his lips. 

Harry noticed his eyes were no longer brown but almost completely black, but he wasn’t looking at Harry like he wanted to destroy him. Zayn was looking at Harry with an emotion Harry hadn’t seen before nor could he describe. It was odd.

“Open them up a bit, like scissors. You know?” Zayn let go of Harry’s wrist. “Then you can add another when you feel it.”

“Okay.” Harry said as he experimentally opened his two fingers.

Zayn’s eyes rolled into the back of his head, his hips almost out of control. Harry bit into his thighs a few times, listening to Zayn ramble the filthiest things. He wasn’t even sure Zayn knew he was saying. Harry never thought he’d hear Zayn say something like, “I’m going to ride you until I can’t walk”, in general, much less to him.

“What was that, Zayn?” Harry teased.

“M’gonna ride you.” He gripped the bed frame with both hands. “Can’t wait.” He huffed.

Harry swallowed. “You’re ready now?” Harry’s voice shook.

“Not quite.” Zayn moaned and tried to look at Harry but his head was too heavy. “Add another and like…” Zayn stopped talking when he felt Harry slide in the third.

“And what?” Harry opened the three fingers. Zayn was gone again. Eyes closed, hands pulling his own hair and back to rambling filthy nonsense.

Harry pulled his fingers out and for the first time in the three years they’ve known each other. Harry heard Zayn whine.

“Harry. Why’d you stop?” Zayn’s eyes snapped open. 

“What do I need to do with the three?”

“Leave them in!”

“Tell me what to do and I’ll put them back.” Harry grinned.

Zayn thrust his hips in Harry’s face. “What you were doing.” Zayn grabbed himself and lazily stroked. 

“And that’s it?” Harry halted Zayn’s movements.

Zayn groaned. “Do what you were doing and curl them just a bit.” He pulled Harry up by his neck. “And kiss me.” Zayn demanded.

Harry didn’t need to respond. He slid his fingers back in and crashed his lips to Zayn’s. The kiss didn’t last very long. Neither of the two boys were focused on that particular aspect of what was happening. Harry was focused on his nerves. Zayn was focused on finally getting what he wanted. It was basically open-mouthed breathing into each others mouths. 

Harry curled his fingers as instructed a few times and he could feel Zayn loosening up around his fingers. The fifth or sixth time he did the curl thing, Zayn cried out.

“Shit! Did I hurt you?” Harry stopped all movement. 

“NO!” Zayn yelled, “Do it again.” 

“But you…” 

“That’s what you’re aiming for! Do it again.” Zayn arched his hips, waiting for Harry to move.

“You’re sure?” Harry asked one more time.

“Fuck, yes!” Zayn threw his hands above his head.

Harry curled his fingers the same way that caused Zayn to cry out the first time. It had the same effect. It honestly sounded like he was hurting Zayn and he didn’t get why Zayn wanted him to keep doing it. Harry looked down to grab Zayn’s cock; he had never seen Zayn get this wet before. Whatever the curling of the fingers was doing, Zayn liked it.

“M’ready.” Harry heard Zayn whisper.

“You are?” Harry raised his eyebrows as his fingers slipped out.

“Yeah.” Zayn pushed Harry back. “Wasn’t kidding about riding you.”

“Didn’t think you were.” Harry smiled as Zayn straddled his lap again, his hands resting on Zayn’s hips.

Zayn placed frantic kisses along the column of Harry’s neck as he moved his hand along the bed, trying to find the condom. He somehow managed to find it, open it, and slide it down Harry’s cock, before Harry knew what was happening.

“Sit still.” Zayn instructed. “This first part is slow.”

Harry gripped Zayn’s hips tighter, and nodded.

“You’re gonna wanna, like, thrust. But you can’t…” Zayn placed one hand on Harry’s shoulder and grabbed the base of Harry’s cock with the other.

“Okay.” Harry’s eyes were focused on Zayn’s instruction

“Hope you’re ready, Styles.” Zayn smirked before he slowly lowered himself onto Harry’s cock.

Harry was big. He shouldn’t be so surprised at the burning stretch he was currently feeling, since he had noticed before. Harry was concentrating Zayn’s one instruction to not move. His eyes were shut, his teeth gnawing his bottom lip. Zayn needed to re-group.

“Shit, Harry, you’re big.” He let go of Harry’s cock.

“M’not that big,” Harry mumbled, blushing.

“Can you, like, lube up a bit more?” Zayn spoke into his shoulder.

“Yeah.” Harry immediately grabbed the lube and squirted a generous amount into his palm. 

Zayn watched, enthralled, by Harry stroking himself to make this easier.

“That’s good.” Zayn said licking his lips.

Harry threw the bottle to the side and grabbed Zayn’s hips with a bruising force. 

Zayn placed their foreheads together as he sank down, the head of Harry’s cock catching on his rim

Zayn grimaced.

“Everything okay?” He asked, stroking Zayn’s lower back.

“Yep, just been awhile.” Zayn said through gritted teeth. “Do me a favor and push up.” 

“You said to sit still.” Harry was flustered.

“I know what I said, just push up as I go down.”

Both boys took a deep breath. Harry took Zayn’s waist in both hands and when Zayn nodded, Harry pushed up. Zayn groaned and threw his head back. 

Harry hadn’t known what to expect. The tight, tight heat of Zayn was something he’d never even imagined. Harry wasn’t even sure he could remember how to speak. His ears were ringing and his head felt like he was swimming underwater. He was barely even breathing. He did know that the only thing he wanted to do was thrust back into Zayn and never stop. He pulled his knees up, preparing to thrust again when he heard Zayn.

“Harry. Harry. Harry!” Zayn had both hands on Harry’s face desperately trying to get his attention. “You have to give me a minute.” Zayn begged.

Harry shook his head to clear the underwater sensation.

“What?” Harry stared at Zayn’s mouth.

“You’re too big… I need a minute.” Zayn’s hands tangled into Harry’s curls.

Zayn kissed him. This time, with long, slow swipes of his tongue. When Harry opened his mouth for Zayn, their tongues slid past each other, Harry had forgotten Zayn sitting on his cock. His hands moved from Zayn’s hips to cradle his jaw. They kissed until Harry felt Zayn move. It was just an experimental roll of his hips, to see if he was ready, he was.

“Shiiit.” Harry groaned, his hands falling back to Zayn’s waist.

Zayn raised his hips, letting the head of Harry’s cock catch on his rim before he sunk back down. He used Harry’s shoulders for leverage; he repeated this moved up and down a few times before he noticed Harry’s face. Harry had his eyes closed, eyebrows furrowed, nostrils flared, and the corners of his mouth turned down.

“You alright?” Zayn asked, rolling his hips.

Harry inhaled and nodded.

“You’re not.” Zayn stopped his movements.

“I am,” Harry shook his head. “S’just, overwhelming. “

“What?” Zayn’s lip curled.

“I’m- I’m-just…”

“Do you need me to stop?” He ran his fingers through Harry’s hair.

“That’s the last thing I need.” Harry let his hands fall from Zayn’s waist. “I want…”

“What do you want, Harry?” Zayn’s head tilted to the side.

“To fuck you!” Harry shouted finally. 

Zayn leaned in close to Harry’s face; their noses were almost touching. “Then do it.” Zayn breathed.

Harry gave a few tentative thrusts, his hands holding Zayn’s ass.

“That’s not fucking me.” Zayn huffed. Harry growled, dug his heels in the mattress and slammed his hips to meet Zayn’s. Zayn shouted with pleasure, “That is.” He bit into his bottom lip, drawing blood, as he rode Harry with purpose.

Harry grabbed Zayn’s waist and relentlessly pounded into him, repeatedly hitting the same spot that had Zayn crying out earlier. His calves were burning with the effort of fucking that noise from Zayn over and over again.

“Zayn.” He grunted. “I can’t.” Harry’s head fell back against the wall.

“You’re.” Harry noticed Zayn’s flushed body and his leaking cock. “Doing. Fine.” Zayn reached to fist himself.

Harry thrust up again, “No, my legs hurt.” He let himself slip out. “Can we move?”

Zayn almost cried when he felt Harry slip out, he was so close. “How?” Zayn tried to catch his breath.

“A way that I’m on top?” Harry blushed from his lack of sexual knowledge.

“Want me on my front or back?” Zayn pulled Harry’s hair with one hand, while the other stroked his painful erection.

Harry grabbed Zayn’s cock. “Back.” He licked into Zayn’s mouth and pushed him down to the foot of his bed.

Zayn moaned as Harry rolled his hips into Zayn’s. “Stop that. Want you in me.” Zayn scratched his blunt nails down Harry’s back.

“Do I have to do the fingers again?” Harry asked while lining himself up at Zayn’s entrance.

Zayn viciously shook his head, “Just get in me!” He arched his back and Harry pushed back in.

Harry buried his head in Zayn’s neck, biting and kissing and moaning. He probably left a million marks, but neither boy cared. Harry’s first time was with someone he wasn’t sure what exactly he felt for them. The only thing he knew was that sex with Zayn was amazing and that’s all he thought. 

With Zayn laid out under him, letting his hands explore Harry’s body, Harry set a slow pace. His hips pushing all the way in before he allowed himself to drag them back out. He had Zayn cursing mercilessly.

When he started to feel the warm burning in his tummy he’d come to learn as an oncoming orgasm, he started thrusting wildly, chasing the feeling, chasing the peace of mind that came with it. 

“Harry, please…” Zayn was begging. Harry didn’t know what for, but he was begging.

“What?” He grunted, or at least that’s what he thought.

“Touch me.” Zayn thrust his hips up, his cock bouncing against his belly until Harry grabbed him and gave a few quick tugs.

Harry messily licked the marks he’d left all over Zayn’s neck and collarbones. His thrust becoming frantic, he was close, and he hoped Zayn was too.

“Fuuuck, Harry!” Zayn yelled as he dug his nails into what little meat there was on Harry’s ass, and shot his load all over Harry’s fist and both of their stomachs. Zayn got incredibly tighter as he came and bucked his hips against Harry’s. 

Harry was done for, he buried his head in Zayn’s neck suppressing a moan and bit so hard, he tasted blood. 

Zayn winced as he heard a string of muffled “Zayn’s” and “fucks” from his neck as Harry’s hips stilled and his breathing became frantic. Zayn rubbed his back and told him how good he’d been until he calmed down.

“You still alive?” He asked, his fingers tracing patterns on Harry’s shoulders. He felt Harry’s hair tickle his neck as he nodded. They laid there in silence, Harry’s cock softening inside Zayn. “How was it?” Zayn twirled one of Harry’s errant curls around his finger.

“S’good” Harry mumbled into Zayn’s neck, his breathing evened out and body completely lax from release.

“You can’t fall asleep.”

“M’tired.” He groaned.

“Your cock’s still in me.” Zayn stopped playing with Harry’s hair. He wouldn’t be opposed to the idea of falling asleep with Harry on top of him, he just didn’t want his cock in him.

Harry made some type of noise and rolled off to the side. “Happy?” He asked as he pulled the condom off and tossed it in the general direction of the trashcan.

“Very.” Zayn hummed and turned to face Harry.

Harry’s eyes were closed, his lips slightly parted, and for the first time, Zayn thought he actually looked happy.

“Stop looking at me.” He mumbled.

“Can’t.” Zayn pulled a spare blanket over their naked bodies. “You look happy.” 

Harry looked like he could fall into sleep at any second.

“I just had sex, f’course I’m happy.” Harry smiled.

Zayn nodded. But it was with me, he thought to himself. Instead, he said, “Me too.” Zayn’s fingers swirled on Harry’s forearm.

They lay there, naked, under Harry’s one spare blanket for what seemed like an eternity, Zayn was sure Harry had fallen asleep. When he went to get up, he felt Harry grab his wrist and pull him back to his chest. Zayn had to fight a smile.

“S’it feel like?” Harry slurred, his voice thick with exhaustion.

“Good.” Zayn curled into Harry’s side. “Hurts a bit at first, but then s’good.”

“Do you always…take it?” Harry wrapped an arm around Zayn’s waist.

Zayn wasn’t sure where Harry was going with this, but he had a pretty good idea. His fingers mindlessly swirled over Harry’s abdomen.

“It’s called bottoming, and no, I like switching.” Zayn’s eyelids were getting heavy.

“What’s what I did called?” Harry started to sound more awake.

“Topping.” Zayn said matter-of-factly. Harry had gone silent. “You making a study guide or something?” Zayn teased.

“Are you going to top me?” Harry stared at the ceiling.

“D’you want me too?” Zayn’s hand stopped moving.

“Dunno, you liked it well enough…” He rolled to face Zayn. “I’d try it if you wanted.”

Zayn didn’t understand why Harry wouldn’t just come out and tell him what he wanted. Harry always turned it into what Zayn wanted. Harry either wanted this, or he didn’t.

“Do you want me too?” He repeated his original question, putting emphasis on whose decision it needed to be.

“Yeah…maybe… I don’t know.” Harry stammered.

“Tell you what, Styles. Next time, we’ll rock paper scissors for who tops, deal?”

“Deal.” Harry smiled, with both his tongue and dimples poking out, his other arm wrapping around Zayn pulling him closer.

Zayn stayed until he felt Harry’s breathing change and heard his usual soft snores. He placed a kiss on his chest and rolled to get out of the bed.

Harry gripped him tighter. “Where’re you going?” He asked, not even opening his eyes.

“I’ve got come all over me.”

“S’fine. Stay.” Harry buried his face in Zayn’s neck.

“Harry, do you realize what you’re asking?” Zayn questioned, he didn’t want to get his hopes up only for Harry to let them crash down again.

“M’asking you to stay…if you want.” Harry loosened his grip. “S’the least you can do.” He released Zayn all together.

Zayn didn’t move. “The least I could do?” He raised an eyebrow.

“You did just take my virginity.” Harry mumbled.

“I took it?” Zayn sounded offended.

“Would you take a joke, for once? Jesus.” Harry sighed, running a hand through his sweaty hair. 

“It didn’t sound like a joke.” Zayn sat up.

“Fine, forget I said anything.” Harry pouted like a petulant child and rolled to face the wall.

“God, Harry!” Zayn stood, in all his naked glory, yelling at Harry. “Would you tell me what you want for once!?!” He grabbed Harry’s shoulder and rolled him back over. “Tell me what you want and I’ll do it.” Zayn shouted.

“Fuck, Zayn! I want you to stay!” He yelled right back, pulling Zayn back to the edge of the bed.

“Finally!” Zayn crawled on top of Harry. “Why can’t you ever just tell me what you want?” 

“Because!” Harry looked like he was about to cry. “I don’t want to want you!” His voice cracked.

“But you do want me?” Zayn grabbed Harry’s face.

“YES. I fucking want you!” Harry yanked Zayn’s hands from his face.

“Fine, I’ll stay.” Zayn fell off to the side, not facing Harry.

Zayn forced himself to take long, slow breaths to calm himself down. He felt Harry fuming behind him but he didn’t care. Harry had told him he wanted him and asked him to stay. Granted, he didn’t want to want him, but he did. And that was good enough for Zayn.

When Zayn finally had his breathing under control and felt like he could fall asleep for the next two years, he felt Harry wrap an arm around his waist and pulled his back into his front.

“You awake?” Harry whispered.

Zayn nodded.

“I’m s – It’s just… G’night.” He stammered.

“Night.” He laced their fingers together and fell asleep.


	3. Part Three

Christmas break was two days away and everyone had finished their exams. The five friends had all purposefully congregated in Harry and Zayn’s suite. Niall, Liam and Louis had all decided that it was their job to make sure Harry and Zayn officially got together. They spent as much time as possible bothering Harry about Zayn or just keeping them from being alone. Niall knew Harry better than anyone and he knew Harry would need a push to get him to label whatever they were doing. Zayn could handle the pestering and hassling, he knew what he wanted, Harry on the other hand, spent a majority of his time not even speaking to his friends.

Naturally, Niall talked them all into going out to a club to celebrate. Harry agreed before Louis had a chance.

“Sounds good, Niall.” Harry grabbed a fistful of popcorn.

“You don’t have plans with your boyfriend tonight?” Niall faked bewilderment. 

“You coming too then, Zayn?” Liam asked.

Harry threw the popcorn at his best friend’s head. “I don’t have a boyfriend, asshole.”

“Okay.” He rolled his eyes. “So that’s why I hear so much moaning coming from in here lately, huh?”

Harry’s entire body turned red.

“Leave ‘im alone, Niall.” Zayn paused the game of FIFA him and Louis were playing to kick Niall in the leg. “When are we leaving?” He asked before he unpaused the game.

“Yeah, Niall.” Louis piped up, “You know how much Harold hates it when you talk about his boyfriend.” He said the final word with a sing-song voice.

“You can all fuck off!” Harry shoved his arms in Zayn’s leather jacket. “I hope you all catch something while you’re out tonight.” He spat and slammed the door behind him.

“You gonna go after him, Zayn, or you want one of us too?” Niall asked.

“He’s not mad at me, now is he?” Zayn accused.

“Not fully, but he isn’t going to come back for just anyone, we all know that.” Liam’s eyes innocently rolled around the room.

“Just let him alone, and no one would ever have to go get him.” Zayn mumbled.

“There’s no fun in that!” Louis scored. “A miserable Harry makes for an entertained group’s what I always say.”

“You also don’t wash your underwear until you’ve worn them inside out.” Zayn joked.

Louis shrugged as he scored another goal.

“Louis!” Liam scoffed.

“What! It’s not like you’ve never done it!” He threw the controller down.

“I have, in fact, never done that.” Liam stole Louis’ seat and controller. “Next.” He called.

“Me too!” Niall shouted, “S’been awhile since I’ve murdered you, Payne-O.” He dumped Zayn out of his chair.

“You do know this is my room, right?” 

“We know, we just don’t care.” Louis’s muffled voice came from the refrigerator. “Now hurry up and go get your boyfriend.” He pushed Zayn towards the door.

Zayn had to face the cold winter without his leather jacket; someone else had thrown it on in a petulant fit. He had his hands wrapped in his sweater sleeves and jammed in his hoodie pocket as he ran to the library, AKA Harry’s go to hideaway. He found him tucked away in the back of the music section, thumbing through old sheet music.

“Don’t know why you always come here, you don’t even play music.” Zayn slumped down next to Harry at his table.

“It looks calming.” He let his fingers follow the notes.

Zayn put his arm around Harry’s neck and pulled him close. “It is. I can play it for you sometime.” He spoke into Harry’s recently washed hair. 

“Why? So more people can call you my boyfriend.” Harry huffed but didn’t move away.

“Why do you let it bother you so much? That’s why they do it, you know that, right?”

“Always with these labels! You’re either gay or you’re not. I’m either single or I’m wi…” He stopped himself.

Zayn stood and positioned himself in front of Harry.. “C’mon, we gotta go get ready.” 

“I’m not going out with them. I don’t want to hear the word ‘boyfriend’ from them one more time.” Harry rested his forehead against Zayn’s stomach.

“I know, babe.” Zayn softly pet Harry’s hair. “They promised they’d stop.

“They always promise you that.” Harry slid his hands into Zayn’s back pockets.

“Harry,” He reached behind and pulled Harry’s hands from his pockets. “We’re going to a dance club. You can easily ignore them there.” He tried to pull him up and failed.

“I don’t want to go to a dance club.” Zayn’s cock stirred from Harry’s mouth being so close but yet so far. “You haven’t topped me yet.” Harry slid his hands under Zayn’s sweatshirt.

“Stop.” Zayn shook his head and backed away. 

“What did I do wrong? You say stuff like that to me all the time.” Harry stood up. “I thought you wanted to top…”

“Harry.” Zayn grabbed Harry’s chin. “You can’t just bring up the topping issue to get out of a serious discussion.” 

Harry moved his nose closer to Zayn’s. “But you want to,” he grabbed Zayn’s fattening cock through his jeans. “I can tell.” His lips moved against Zayn’s as he spoke.

Zayn’s eyes were closed as he enjoyed the warmth of Harry’s palm. “After.” 

“What if I don’t want it after?” Harry cradled Zayn’s jaw with his other hand.

“Then I guess you won’t get it at all.” Zayn said before he placed a kiss on Harry’s nose. “Now let’s go.” He pulled Harry’s hand from his crotch.

“Fine,” he pouted. “But I’m going to make their night a living hell.” Harry crossed his arms across his chest.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way, babe.” Zayn smiled as he steered Harry towards the exit.

***

Harry kept his word. All night he ran around from table to table. He took shots with strangers, stripped his clothes off, and even danced on a table or two. Zayn didn't even try to wrangle him in. Harry was punishing Niall, not him.

“You better get him before he hurts himself.” Liam yelled in Zayn’s ear over the bumping bass.

“He’s having a good time!” Zayn said as he handed Louis another shot.

“But Niall’s not!” Liam nodded over his shoulder. “S’been awhile since he only wanted Niall to take care of him.” 

Zayn threw back his shot. “Doing it on purpose. He’s pissed at you three.” Zayn pointed at his friends.

“What have we done?” Louis punched Zayn in the shoulder.

“Let the boyfriend thing go.” Zayn shouted before he threw back another shot.

“It’s got to bother you.” Liam leaned in so he could stop yelling.

Zayn shrugged. “S’not a big deal. He’s coming around to it, I think.” They all three jumped around to the beat.

Liam and Louis eyed each other. Neither of them wanted let it go, but if Zayn was dead set on having his heart broken, they couldn’t stop him. Louis raised his palms in defeat.

The three continued to bounce around to the beat while Niall was forced to chase Harry around. Niall had caught him three times trying to steal other peoples shots (he wasn’t really), he had to pull Harry of the table on multiple occasions, and physically restrain him from taking his shirt off twice now.

“What has gotten into you tonight?” Niall herded Harry towards the rest of their friends.

“Just having a good time, Nialler.” Harry only used Niall’s nickname when he was pissed.

“I get it, I do!” Niall shouted in Harry’s ear. “But you’re going to fuck around and hurt the both of you.” He spun Harry to face him. “And Zayn’s going to let you do it.”

“Fuck off.” Harry jerked his arm from Niall’s grasp.

“Harry!” Niall shouted.

Harry elbowed his way through the crowd up to the bar to order another drink. Niall joined the rest of his friends in uncoordinated bouncing. Harry watched from the bar. He took large, almost angry, gulps of his vodka sprite when he noticed a guy dancing too close to Zayn. He chugged the rest of his drink and slammed the empty glass on the bar so hard it cracked.

Zayn continued his rhythmic bouncing in the middle of his friends, completely unaware of the unwanted stranger dancing his way over to him. Harry stalked his way over to his friends. Zayn had both hands in the air, and his hips swayed to the beat when he felt to large hands slide around his waist. He immediately flinched away. 

“S’leave” Harry slurred in Zayn’s ear.

Zayn leaned back into Harry’s chest. “Let’s dance.” He pulled Harry’s ear towards his mouth.

Harry guided Zayn’s hips against his, completely off rhythm, “No, let’s leave.” He mumbled and thrust his cock against Zayn.

“You’re drunk?” Zayn continued to dance.

“And you’re hot.” Harry licked Zayn’s ear. “Now let’s go.” Harry was definitely hard, and Zayn definitely felt all of him.

Liam and Niall looked at each other in disbelief. Niall’s meddling had apparently worked. Louis was nowhere to be seen, but neither was the stranger Harry had seen dancing too close to Zayn.

“What’s gotten into you?” Zayn covered Harry’s hands with his own.

“Hopefully you. Now can we please go?” Harry whined.

Zayn quirked an eyebrow, “Let me finish my drink.” he grabbed his glass. 

Harry continued to grind against Zayn’s ass while Zayn chugged the rest of whatever it was Louis had brought them, liquid marijuana or something. All Zayn knew was that it was green and it was delicious.

“We’re gonna head back.” Zayn wagged his thumb between himself and Harry. “Someone’s gotta put the drunk toddler to bed.” Zayn shrugged.

“S’that all you’re gonna do with him.” Niall shouted.

Zayn winked.

“Use protection!” Louis laughed.

“Always do!” Zayn yelled back as he flipped his friends the finger.

Zayn went to the bar to settle his and Harry’s tabs. Harry always insisted on having a separate tab even though they both knew who would be paying for it. He moped from his barstool as Zayn saddled up to pay.

“I was gonna pay.” Harry mumbled. 

“That’s what I thought.” Zayn slung Harry’s arm around his shoulder. “But it looked like you were falling asleep.” He grabbed Harry around the waist and started the walk outside.

“I’m not that drunk. I was putting on a show for Niall.”

“Mmhmm.” Zayn hummed.

“I was. I’m perfectly fine. Look, I can touch my nose.” Harry poked the tip of his nose with his index finger. 

“Very good, babe.”

“Stop patronizing me!” Harry stood up a little straighter.

“I’m not!” Zayn defended himself, laughing. “I’m not sure I could touch the tip of my nose right now.” 

“Still want you to fuck me.” Harry whispered into Zayn’s ear while Zayn called a cab.

“I didn’t tell you no.” He gripped Harry’s waist tighter.

“You will when we get home.” Harry grumbled.

“S’this really how you want your first time to be?” Zayn felt Harry shift some of his weight off his shoulders. “Because I don’t.” He looked into Harry’s bloodshot eyes.

“I’m really not that drunk.” He stood up on his own. “I told you, I did that to piss Niall off!”

“Then why did you come dance on me? We were in public! You don’t do that.” The cab pulled over to the curb. “You licked my ear!” Zayn shouted before he opened the door.

Harry slammed it shut. “Because! I wanted to!” He stared at Zayn.

“But why, Harry, why did you do it?” Zayn shook his head.

“Because I want you!” He shouted.

“Get in the fucking cab.” Zayn yanked the door open.

The cab ride home was tense. Electricity flowed between the two that had never been there before. Harry had interacted with him in a sexual manner, in public. Where their friends saw. It wasn’t like every day where they teased them based on the sounds they’d heard come from their room, or after the first time Zayn had sucked Harry off and he ran to Niall confused. They had now seen, with their own eyes, how well Harry and Zayn knew each other’s bodies. This would either be beneficial to whatever was happening between them or completely ruin it.

Both boys were so wound up with anticipation by the time they got back to the dorm, Zayn threw a $50 bill at the driver and fell out of the car after Harry. He wasn’t even sure he shut the cab door. Harry hadn’t even waited for Zayn. He was standing at their door fiddling with the key.

“The key won’t go in.” He groaned.

“Slow down, babe. Relax.” Zayn took Harry’s key and unlocked the door on the first try.

Harry fell through the door, almost fell over when he toed off his boots, and hit his elbow on the door frame when he tugged his shirt over his head.

“Harry.” Zayn grabbed his belt loops. “Would you calm down?” He pulled their hips together.

“M’nervous.” Harry’s eyes darted wildly around the room.

“Don’t be, babe.” He slid his hands up Harry’s torso, over his nipples and let them rest on his neck. “You don’t have to bottom, we can just do what we’ve been doing. It’s fine.” Zayn smiled and pulled Harry’s mouth to his.

“No, I want it. You make it look good.” Harry breathed into Zayn’s mouth.

“Yeah?” Zayn undid Harry’s pants.

“Yeah.” Harry’s hands started to unbutton Zayn’s flannel.

Harry’s fingers softly trailed down Zayn’s arms as he pushed the flannel from his shoulders. He cupped Zayn’s jaw and licked into his mouth for a fiery, passionate kiss. Zayn pushed Harry’s pants past his thighs, Harry’s pants were always ridiculously tight, Zayn could never take them off, Harry had to do it.

“This is nice, but let’s get to it.” Harry bit Zayn’s lip as he pulled away. “You grab the stuff,” Harry stepped out his pants and walked towards his bed.

“Yeah, alright.” Zayn pushed his jeans down but kept his boxers on. “Lay on your front.” Zayn watched as Harry stroked himself. 

“Why my front?” He continued to lazily stroke himself, “You always start on your back.” Harry scrunched his face.

“Because I said so.” Zayn shooed Harry with his hands, and started riffling through his desk drawer. “Alright, babe. Ready?” Zayn asked over his shoulder.

Harry was still stroking himself as he watched Zayn’s muscles move under his skin.

“You’re so… God, Zayn.” He stroked faster.

“You’re gonna come, stop that.” Zayn grabbed Harry’s hand. “Roll over.”

“You’ve still got your boxers on.” Harry pouted and rolled over.

Zayn smirked. “Don’t worry about my boxers.” Zayn climbed onto Harry’s bed. He straddled the back of Harry’s knees. “D’you trust me?” Zayn asked.

Harry nodded, a moan escaped his throat when Zayn placed a wet kiss between his shoulders.

“I need you to say it.” Zayn placed more kisses down Harry’s spine.

“I do. I trust you.” Harry arched his back as Zayn’s kisses got closer to his ass.

 

“If you want me to stop, tell me, and I will. Okay?” Zayn’s stubble scratched the skin of Harry’s lower back.

“I will.” Harry slurred.

Zayn bit into the flesh of Harry’s left cheek. “Okay, grab the bed frame, babe.”

Harry didn’t respond, but Zayn heard his knuckles smack against the wood. 

“And put your face in the pillow. You’re loud.” Zayn was massaged Harry’s cheeks.

“Stop making fun of me and start fucking me.” Harry whined.

Zayn laughed to himself as he pulled Harry’s cheeks apart and licked a stripe from Harry’s balls back to his hole.

“Fuck!” The pillow muffled Harry’s cry.

Zayn continued to circle around Harry’s entrance. He took his time, savoring this moment. When he decided to finally start loosening Harry up, he flicked his tongue and nipped Harry’s rim while slowly pushing his first finger in to the knuckle. 

“Zayn, Zayn, Zayn.” Harry kept saying his name. 

Zayn pulled back. “S’this good, babe?” He mumbled into the skin of Harry’s lower back.

Harry didn’t respond, his back muscles tensed.

 

“Do we need to stop?” Zayn’s finger stilled.

Harry shook his head. 

“Harry?” Zayn kissed up Harry’s spine.

“Your beard. It hurts…down there.” Harry slurred, embarrassed.

“Okay, I’ll stop that.” He bit into Harry’s shoulder.

“But, but, but not the other thing, yeah?” Harry pushed back against Zayn’s finger.

“’Course not.” Harry heard the bottle snap open.


	4. Part Four

“Don’t wake them up, let’s just leave.” Liam whispered.

“No! They have to come to breakfast before we all leave.” Niall turned the knob of Harry and Zayn’s suit.

“Look, they’re already up.” Louis barged in.

They weren’t.

Niall, Louis and Liam walked in and found both Zayn and Harry naked in Harry’s bed. Zayn was sprawled across Harry’s back like he had fallen asleep in an attempt to climb over him. Harry had his head on his arms instead of a pillow, his mouth wide open and a small puddle of drool on the sheet.

“Well,” Niall rubbed his hands together. “Would you look at that, boys! It looks like we’ve finally got a couple on our hands.”

Zayn groaned and rubbed his head against Harry’s shoulder.

“Just look at them, aren’t the precious?” Louis rubbed at Zayn’s hair.

“Go ‘way, Lou.” Zayn batted at his friend.

“Don’t be that way, Zaynie. We know you two had a busy night…” He wagged his eyebrows. “Now get dressed and meet us for the last breakfast.” He swatted Zayn’s ass.

Harry stirred at the loud smack.

“S’going on?” He rolled over, sending Zayn crashing into the wall.

“Harry! Put that monster away!” Niall covered his eyes.

“Why’re you shouting? My head’s pounding enough as it is.” Harry pulled a pillow over his head.

Niall yanked it away. “C’mon. We have to get breakfast! We’re all leaving for a month.” He smacked Harry with the pillow. Zayn had long since fallen back to sleep.

Harry hadn’t truly woken up, he was still in his daze and his head did hurt. He had more to drink than he thought last night. He slowly started to gather his bearings and realized his friends were in his room, staring at him, naked in bed, with Zayn.

Louis had taken on the task of getting Zayn out of bed, which just wasn’t in the cards. He had had a busy night. Harry was almost insatiable.

Once Louis had climbed on the bed and shook Zayn, Harry finally snapped awake.

“Fucking get out! All of you!” He pushed Louis to the floor.

“Harry, c’mon!” Niall tried.

“I mean it! You all are the worst.” He pulled his quilt over his and Zayn’s bodies.

Zayn burrowed into Harry’s side, “Babe, stop yelling. Go back to sleep.” He mumbled.

“Yeah, ‘babe’, don’t want to wake your boyfriend.” Niall teased.

Harry took a deep breath. “We’re not boyfriends. Now please, get the fuck out.”

“Niall, let’s just go.” Liam and Louis had already headed to the door.

“Alright, fine.” Niall walked away. “Be back 'round 1 to drive your miserable ass home.”

Harry threw Zayn’s unused pillow after his three friends, but they’d already closed the door. Harry pulled the quilt higher and Zayn closer.

Zayn knew Harry was awake, just stewing over their friends barging in and pestering him about labeling whatever they were doing. He attempted to calm him down, his fingers moved softly over Harry’s warm skin.

“Let it go, Harry.” Zayn slurred.

“No, they need to let it go. We’re fine with what ‘s happening, why can’t they be?” Harry’s fingertips swirled up and down Zayn’s arm.

“It’s not like it’d be the worst thing in the world…” Zayn gripped Harry’s waist. “We are, basically, boyfriends.”

Harry’s skin felt like it was on fire.

“No, we’re not.” He growled.

“Why aren’t we?” Zayn sat up, the quilt revealing Harry’s handy work last night.

“Because we aren’t.” Harry snarled.

“So you’re fucking other people then too?” Zayn felt his breathing quicken.

“Of course not!” Harry sat up too.

“Then what could possibly be so bad about calling me your boyfriend?” Zayn pulled his knees to his chest.

“I don’t want to talk about this.” Harry said through gritted teeth.

“Too fucking bad, we need to talk about it.” Zayn rocked in an attempt to keep his anger in check.

“No we don’t! You aren’t my boyfriend and that’s all that matters.” Harry stood.

“No it’s not! Zayn threw the quilt to the floor. “I want to be your boyfriend.” He frantically searched for his shirt and pants.

“I told you I couldn’t give you that!” Harry pulled at his hair.

“Why! Why can’t you give me that?” He crookedly buttoned his shirt from last night.

“Because!” Harry shouted. “Then I’ll only ever be ‘Zayn Malik’s boyfriend’ and being your roommate is bad enough.” He jammed his leg into a pair of Zayn’s sweatpants.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Zayn gave up on pushing the buttons through the right holes.

“I want to just be me, Zayn! I don’t want to have a tag attached to my name.” Harry’s eyes watered.

“That’s how the world works, Harry, everyone has a tag!” Zayn yanked on some black skinnies that were probably Harry’s.

“I want to make my own tag.” He pulled out a white t-shirt. “You never just introduce me as Harry! Your father doesn’t even do it.” Harry popped his head through the shirt.

“Because you’ve never been just Harry! You’ve always had a tag. You’re your mother’s son, Niall’s best friend, Professor Tate’s best law student. When introducing people, you also introduce why the matter to you, why they should remember you.” Zayn walked over to Harry. “And I want you to matter because you’re my boyfriend, not my roommate, or my friend.” He shoved his hands in the back pockets of his--Harry’s- jeans.

Zayn watched a tear roll down Harry’s cheek. He knew this was over.

“I don’t want to be important because I’m your boyfriend.” Another tear streaked down his cheek.

“Then why do you want to be important to me, to my father, or to anyone?” He leaned against his desk.

“I don’t know! I don’t know! I just want to be Harry!” He cried out.

“I can’t do this, then.” Zayn whispered. “All this time, I’ve been waiting around for you to finally see. I fucking hoped that you’d finally see that you loved me too.” A traitorous tear slid down Zayn’s cheek. “But no matter how hard I want it for you, I can’t keep doing this.” His voice quivered.

Harry stared at Zayn, his mouth gaping open and tears streaming from his eyes.

“I have to walk away from this, from you.” Zayn stopped at his closet, shrugged on his leather jacket and grabbed a package wrapped in snowflake paper. “This is yours, it’s for Christmas, I already bought it, and it’s non-returnable, so here.” He threw the box at Harry.

“Zayn, don’t.” Harry squeezed the box.

“G’bye, Harry.” He turned away. “Have a nice Christmas.”

“Zayn!” Harry shouted. It was too late. Zayn had already shut the door.

Harry stood there, as tears silently rolled down his face, and warped the gift paper as they dried. Harry had only cried three times, at least he only remembered three, in his life. The first time he could remember was when his childhood neighbor and babysitter, Babbette, passed away when he was thirteen. The second time he could remember, was after he’d watched Niall’s dog get run over when they were sixteen. And the third time, when Zayn Malik told him he loved him but had to walk away. He hugged Zayn’s gift to his chest and fell onto his bed.

There was a soft knock, Harry tried to respond but nothing came out.

“Hey, Haz. You ready to head home?” Niall bounded into the room. He took one look at Harry and knew. “Oh, Harry.” Niall sat beside him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

Harry curled into his best friend’s shoulder

Niall swallowed, “Do you wanna talk about it?” He squeezed Harry’s shoulder and rested his chin on Harry’s head.

“Did you know?” Harry’s voice was hoarse.

“Know what?”

“He was going to leave.” He sniffled.

“I’d have told you.” Niall tried to grab Harry’s gift. “For the record, you didn’t give him much choice, did you?”

Hot tears scorched from Harry’s eyes. “He told me he was fine.” His tears soaked Niall’s sweater.

“He loved you, Harry.”

“I KNOW!” Harry shrieked. “And now he’s gone.”

“He’s gone home for Holiday break, Harry, not forever.”

“He got me a Christmas present.” Harry patted the box.

“Didn’t know he even celebrated Christmas.” Niall shrugged.

“He doesn’t.”

“C’mon, let’s go home.” Niall pulled Harry towards the door.

Harry was done fighting. He let Niall drag him from their room and away from all things Zayn. He needed time to process everything that just happened and what his actual feelings for Zayn were. He had a month to fix it. But he wasn’t sure he wanted to fix it or let it go.

The car ride was silent, except for the few sparse times Niall attempted conversation. All of which mainly revolved around Zayn’s present, whether or not Harry was going to open it, and how he needed to stop staring at his phone. He’d decided he’d open it on Christmas, and Niall eventually had to take his phone away.

Niall dropped Harry at his mom’s apartment around 3 in the afternoon, after Harry’d gone to college, she’d downsized to a smaller cheaper apartment. Harry would spend the next month scrunched up on her couch. He wouldn’t, he’d end up at Niall’s after a week. He didn’t usually come home for breaks, but his mother had managed to take two weeks of her vacation during the holidays. Niall handed Harry his phone with the instruction to not wait around for Zayn to text, and he shouldn’t text him either. They both needed time.

Harry merely nodded while Niall tried to squeeze the life out of him. When he finally made it into the apartment, he was alone. His mother was at one of her many jobs. He tossed his present from Zayn under the tree, flopping down on the couch with the intentions of watching TV. His mother woke him up five hours later.

Zayn hadn’t texted him.

“Harry, my baby!” She hugged him.

A few tears fell from his eyes. “Mom, you’re choking me…” He coughed.

“So sorry, it’s been a while!” She clapped her hands. “Tell me all about junior year, did Zayn end up getting a new room?” Harry swallowed. “How are your grades, what was your favorite class? Just tell me everything.”

For the second time today, Harry tried to say something but nothing came out.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Anne grabbed her son’s face.

Harry started crying then. There would always be something about a mother’s touch that can make a son cry.

“I…I…I fucked up, mom.” Harry sobbed.

“Oh, baby.” She pulled her son’s head to her chest, and softly stroked his curls. “Who broke you?” She rocked from side to side, shushing his sobs.

“I did.” He stuttered through his tears. Harry also proceeded to tell his mom everything that had happened between he and Zayn, every conversation they’d ever had about the topic of their non-relationship. He told her he didn’t understand why he was so upset about it, it was never about feelings, it was convenience.

“Baby, it was never about convenience.” She spoke into his hair. “And deep down you know why you’re upset. You love him too.”

“But I don’t want to love him.” Harry’s tears seemed to be slowing down.

“The heart wants who it wants, Harry. Zayn seems like a good choice.” She patted his cheek. “You should listen to it.” She kissed Harry’s forehead and announced her intentions of going to bed since she had to work tomorrow.

“Night, mom.” Harry felt like he’d run a marathon.

“Night, my baby boy.”

Harry grabbed his phone from the pocket of Zayn’s sweatpants he’d yet to take off.

**Zayn**

To Z: I made it home

From Z: That’s good.

To Z: Yeah, mom’s real happy.

To Z: Almost smothered me.

From Z: Haha.

To Z: :P

He instagrammed a black and white picture of the lower half of his body in Zayn’s sweatpants with the caption: “These look better with you in them.” Then fell asleep.

Instagram was Harry’s preffered method of social media. He posted a few more random pictures over break, he never looked to see who liked his picture of Zayn’s pants. 23 people did, he just hoped the one he posted it for liked it.

He didn’t.

 **Zayn**  
From Z: You better bring my pants back.

From Z: Washed.

To Z: I make no promises.

To Z: :P

From Z: dork.

To Z: You love it. xx

Christmas was in four days, to say Harry was anxious was an understatement. He spent most of his days staring at the package from Zayn.

**Zayn**

To Z: I need your address.

From Z: Why?

To Z: I need to mail you something.

From Z: I was kidding about the pants.

To Z: It’s not the pants.

From Z: What is it?

To Z: Just give me your address.

From Z: What are you mailing me?

To Z: A gift!

From Z: What kind of gift?

To Z: The thoughtful kind!

From Z: Fine.

Harry mailed him a card and a picture frame filled with the only pictures he and Niall could find of Zayn and Harry together over the last three years. There weren’t that many. “Merry Christmas, I know you don’t technically celebrate it, but I wanted to get you something. It’s not much, but it’s not nothing. P.S. We should take more. Harry XX.”

**Zayn**

To Z: This is waaay too much!

Harry texted Zayn the minute he’d opened his gift. He had bought him the leather motorcycle jacket he drooled all over when Zayn took him along to a suit fitting at some store with the initials YSL

 **Zayn**  
From Z: It’s fine. Now you’ll stop stealing mine : )

To Z: I literally got you a frame

To Z: With 5 pictures in it.

From Z: And I like it.

To Z: This was like thousands of dollars

From Z: You needed a coat

From Z: You liked that coat

From Z: And dad gets a discount at that place, he buys all our suits there.

To Z: I can’t keep it.

From Z: If you don’t, I’ll be offended.

To Z: Zayn.

From Z: Harry.

To Z: But.

From Z: It’s fine. I don’t expect anything from you. I really do love the frame. It’s you.

Harry posted about seven pictures of the leather jacket, in various positions, in random rooms. All of which were captioned with ridiculous sayings Harry thought were absolutely hilarious. So did his followers.

Except one.

 **Niall**  
To H: Sick coat!

From H: He loved the frame…

To H: Course he did. You gave it to him.

Harry had an idea for one last picture of the coat. He stood in front of his mom’s brick apartment building in his worn out black hoodie with the hood pulled up over a black trucker cap, and the leather jacket. He shoved his hands in the pockets and smiled so big his dimples poked out and his eyes looked like emeralds.  
He didn’t caption it. He tagged Zayn in the photo and gave it the sole hashtag of #isbetterthanurs. Of course all his comments were about how he was being cryptic and only stupid hipsters do stupid stuff like that to get likes.

Zayn liked it.

Harry didn’t post anymore pictures.

***

Six days after Christmas, Harry had made up his mind. He needed to talk to Zayn, face-to-face. He wanted to fix what they had and create more. His mom knocked it through his thick head that he was, in fact, in love with Zayn and his paranoia about labels was completely misconstrued. He would always be her son, and she would always introduce him that way. And maybe one day, he would be able to walk into a room of complete strangers and introduce himself as Harry Styles.

But Harry didn’t want that anymore. He wanted Zayn.

**Zayn**

To Z: Are you free for lunch?

From Z: Umm, sure?

To Z: Good.

From Z: Knew I shouldn’t have given you my address :P

To Z: Actually, I was thinking you’d come here?

To Z: Or I can meet you somewhere?

To Z: I’m a master at riding the bus.

From Z: You don’t have to ride the bus, Harry.

From Z: What’s your address?

To Z: You better bring my black skinnies with you!

From Z: I don’t know what you’re talking about…

To Z: Mmhmm.

  
 ***2hours later***

From Z: I’m here. You coming out?

To Z: Thought I’d make us lunch.

From Z: You cook?

To Z: I’m a fantastic cook.

From Z: I’ll be the judge of that.

From Z: Which one’s yours?

To Z: #7

From Z: K, Be up in a bit.

When Harry heard Zayn’s soft knock at the door a few minutes later, he felt his stomach do a flip. He tripped over a pair of his mom’s shoes in his hurry to get to the door.

“Hi.” He said breathlessly.

“Did you run to get the door?” Zayn raised an eyebrow.

“No, lost a fight with my mom’s stiletto.” He held up the offender.

“S’that what all that noise was?” Zayn stood awkwardly at the door.

He scratched his chin while he surveyed Harry’s apartment. It was small, but nicely decorated. He could tell Harry's mom put an immense amount of effort into making her home, her home.

“You gonna come in or just stand there and gawk?” Harry teased.

“Waiting for an invitation.”

“I invited you here in the first place...” Harry almost backed out of what he planned to say. “Babe.” He blushed and stared at the beige carpet.

“I’m sorry,” Zayn leaned closer. “What was that?”

“Sounds better when you say it…” Harry mumbled.

“Well, show me around! It’s not every day I get to see where Harry Styles grew up!” Zayn rubbed his palms together.

“You still aren’t. My mom moved here when I went to school.” Harry wanted to hug Zayn, but he couldn’t tell if Zayn wanted that.

“Okay then, at least show me your room.” Zayn shrugged his jacket off. “Where do I put this?” He held his coat to the side.

“You’re looking at it.” Harry gestured to the couch. “And just drop it on the chair.” He was nervous.

“Okay.” Zayn nodded. “Do I get to sit on your bed? Or what do you have planned? Wow, this is awkward.” He ran a hand through his fluffy, longer hair.

“Heyyyy, relax.” Harry reached for Zayn. “Your hair’s longer.” Harry pulled on it.

“Yeah, someone told me it was in style…” Zayn grabbed Harry’s hand.

“Must be someone extremely smart.” He pushed some of Zayn’s hair from his forehead.

“Extremely stubborn, more like.” He held Harry’s wrist

“Sounds about right.” Harry slipped his free hand in Zayn’s back pocket. Zayn was going to let this happen. After all he’d put him through, Zayn was going to go with it.

“Hey! These are my skinnies!” Harry whined.

“Are they?” Zayn pulled Harry’s hand from the pocket.

“Yes! Look at your feet.” Harry laced their fingers together.

“Finders keepers.” He booped Harry’s nose and walked towards the couch.

Both boys were keeping the mood light and joking. Their sporadic, at first, texting throughout break had really helped them clear their heads and focus on what they wanted from each other. Zayn still wanted Harry and Harry was ready to say he wanted Zayn.

“Zayn.” Harry’s tone changed immediately. “I didn’t actually invite you here for lunch…” He trailed.

“I figured.” Zayn ran his hands through his hair, a new habit he picked up from the boy next to him. “I wouldn’t have driven all the way here just for lunch.”

“So you already know.” Harry smiled.

“You have to tell me though, Harry. I can’t go through that again. I won’t.” Zayn’s jaw clenched. “I wrecked myself waiting for you.”

“I know.” Harry whispered.

“You have to say it.” Zayn sat with his arms stretched across the back of the couch.

“I will. I’ll say it every day if I have to.” Harry fit himself between Zayn’s arm and chest.

“You haven’t said it yet.” Zayn picked lint from his pants.

Harry kissed Zayn’s neck.

“And that makes me nervous.” Zayn sighed at the feeling of Harry’s tongue on his neck.

Harry grabbed his phone from the table.

“I have to do something first.” Harry grinned.

He turned his phone around and focused on his and Zayn’s face.

“What are you doing?”

“Recording a memory.” Harry stared at Zayn’s lips.

“Say it, right now.” Zayn slid a hand over Harry’s jaw, he heard Harry snap the picture.

“I love you.” Harry closed the distance. Their mouths moved perfectly in sync for the first time since they’d first kissed.

“I love you too, you idiot.” Zayn mumbled into Harry’s mouth.

After Zayn left, Harry posted one final picture on Instagram from his holiday break. He had set the filter to black and white and posted the picture of them, Zayn holding Harry's jaw and both of them looking at the other like they hung the moon and the stars. He only captioned it as #myboyfriend.

Zayn was the first like.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!! I posted my first fic ever, and you read it. Thanks!


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